Feeling Testy

“Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.”
Psalm 26: 2,3 (NIV)

I wish I could say these verses describe my attitude toward my relationship with the Lord. I wish they were the watchwords of my life. I wish that I welcomed God’s testing OR that I like it when he looks inside me and finds things he would like me to change OR that I sensed that his love is always present OR that I consistently lived my life based on the truth of who he is and what he has done for me.

To be honest, sometimes I wish that so many things in life didn’t feel as if they were God’s way of testing me OR that he would just back off from looking into my heart and mind (Mind your own business God!) OR that I wouldn’t feel so guilty about not loving him more even though I know he loves me – no matter what OR that the truth of who he is wasn’t so in my face sometimes.

But, the real truth is that, deep down, I know that God does allow some things into my life to test me. I may not understand why right now, but someday I know I will – and I will probably be amazed at how smart God was to allow it to happen. And I know, deep down, that I want God to know everything about me and to make me aware of those things that keep me from a closer relationship with him. And I know, deep down, no matter what I’ve done or how little time I’ve spent with him, God still loves me. And so, deep down, I know that I want to live every moment of my life with the truth of my relationship with God guiding every step I take.

Lord, help me to welcome the tough things that come my way. Help me to understand that sometimes you bring things into my life that help me to see myself more clearly – the way you see me. I know you love me and because of that I want to walk continually in your truth.