As you have certainly noticed by now, I’m not very good at coming up with any original ideas. Most of the time I just steal stuff others and twist it around a bit. In years gone by we called this plagiarism. Now it’s referred to as “repurposing.” I do try to give credit where credit is due, however and today’s rant is no different.
Barbara Walters has done her “Most Fascinating People” of the year specials since, oh, I dunno . . . sometime in the early 60s, I think. My niece, Kira Cannon, (on the “new family” side) also thought it was a good idea and came up with her own list of Kira’s To 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009 that she posted on her blog recently. Her’s was so clever that it inspired me to come up with one of my own.
So, whether you agree with me or not (and I would guess most of you will fall in the “or not” category) here is my list of the . . .
Top 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009
David Letterman
I have loved David Letterman from just about the first time I saw him on the old Johnny Carson Tonight Show. I’ve gotta think I’m in the top 5% or so of fans who have seen the most shows. I just love his snide sense of humor (can you tell?) and I think as he’s gotten older, he’s gotten better at what he does. He is a much better interviewer now than he was even ten years ago. When he has a “serious” guest on his show, he doesn’t shy away from tough questions.
This last year was pretty embarrassing for Dave, and justifiably so. He gets married in March and six months later confesses he has had multiple affairs with women who have worked on his staff. Sleazebag! However, I think he handled it in a way that every other celebrity could learn from: He got out in front of it and ‘fessed up. It still takes a lot of nerve to take potshots at Tiger Woods after that though. But I’m sure I’ll keep watching.
Barack Obama
Love him or hate him, there are two things I think just about everyone can agree on: He works hard and he’s not afraid to tackle tough issues.
In all my years of being a political observer (which really just means that instead of celebrity gossip I prefer political gossip) I cannot remember any President trying to do so many things so quickly. The guy is everywhere. On Capitol Hill meeting with members of congress, inviting bankers over for breakfast (whether they want to come or not), at Dover Air Force Base in the middle of the night to witness the return of soldiers killed overseas, meeting with foreign leaders, etc., On top of that, he is making everyone around him work harder. When was the last time you remember Congress working on the weekend or on Christmas Eve, for heaven’s sake.
On top of that, he’s got chutzpah, courage, audacity or whatever you wanna call it. There doesn’t seem to be many things he’s afraid of. One of my favorite stories of the year is from last week at the Climate Conference in Copenhagen. The leaders of China, Brazil, India and South Africa, were huddled in a conference room strategizing how they could get their way. President Obama reportedly said there was no way he was going to let them negotiate in secret. So, he and Secretary of State Clinton burst in, uninvited, to their meeting. That approach broke the logjam and resulted in an agreement being struck. (Albeit one that ain’t all that great.)
You may not like the direction he’s trying to take the country, but you gotta think he gets an “A” for effort. Or at least an “E.”
Michael Franti
I love LOTS of different kinds of music. I listen to lots of jazz. I love slow, mournful-sounding songs – especially the standards. I love music that is fast and loud as well. Melody Gardot, Raphael Saadiq, John Mayer, Jurassic 5, Lyrics Born, John Butler Trio, Miles Davis, Soulive, are all artists that I listen to in heavy rotation.
This year, however, I discovered someone who had slipped under the radar for me: Michael Franti. Elizabeth and I wandered into his concert at Seattle’s Bumbershoot Festival back in August and were blown away with how good he is. Every song had the crowd on their feet singing and dancing. (Well, except for me - I have a “No dancing” clause in my contract.) His songs are infectious and almost all have a great message associated with them. If you ever get a chance to see him perform, don’t pass it up.
Richard Davis / Rick Hartnack
Okay, I cheated and picked two guys but both of them work for U.S. Bank and I kinda lump ‘em together.
Richard Davis, the Chairman and CEO, has demonstrated this year that he has an enormous amount of integrity. (How many other CEOs do you know that took a pay cut and turned down their bonuses?) He has become a leader in the banking industry and seems to be universally respected.
Rick Hartnack, Vice Chair of Consumer Banking, leads the retail banking side of U.S. Bank. What I appreciate most about his leadership ability is the plainspoken manner he approaches things. He is sometimes colorful, often funny and almost always is there no confusion about where he stands.
U.S. Bank is lucky to have a couple of guys like this running things around here!
Seth Meyers
I’ve always been a big fan of Saturday Night Live. I think these last couple of seasons have been among the best ever. Some of the political skits – especially when Tina Fey portrays Sarah Palin – have been hysterical. Andy Samberg’s “Digital Shorts” and Kristin Wiig’s weird characters can always be counted on to be solid. And Kenan Thompson and Jason Sudeikas just make me laugh by showing up.
But the person that I think is the linchpin in it all is Seth Meyers. He is the head writer and “Weekend Update” anchor. He has a clever, snarky sense of humor and delivers every line with a glint in his eye.
Donna Brazile
Never heard of her? I’m not surprised. Unless you’re a political junkie, she might not be someone you know. She is a Democratic political strategist and frequent guest on news shows – especially CNN and ABC. I like her because she is a voice of reason in what often is a shout-fest on those kinda shows. Plus, she has a great sense of humor that she doesn’t let show very often. I also was blown away by things she said about her African American ancestors having built the steps of the U.S. Capitol where Barack Obama took the oath of office.
Damon Lindlehof / Carlton Cuse
Okay, I lumped two more people together but in this case they are almost always referred to as one entity. In fact most people just refer to them as “Darlton.” These guys are the Executive Producers of LOST. As the show runners they have probably done more than any others in keeping one of the coolest shows of all time from falling apart. All too often a show will start off with a great premise and then fizzle out when they can’t figure out how to keep it going. These guys knew where they were going and have kept it on track. I can’t wait for the series finale next May!
Chip Kelly
The State of Oregon is lucky enough to have two of the best coaches in all of Division 1 college football. As much as I love Mike Riley, I gotta say that Chip Kelly is even more impressive! Anyone that can take a team to the Rose Bowl in their first season has got to be considered an outstanding football coach.
On top of that there are two other things that I think make him pretty dang great. First, he says what he thinks – and not much more. I would hate to interview him because all you can expect are one word answers. Some are funny. Almost all are to the point. “Coach, did you consider not going for it on those fourth downs (in the Civil War). Answer: “No.” I love that!
I also like how he handled the LeGarrette Blount situation this year. What a crappy thing to have to deal with after your first game! He stepped in and made sure it was HIS decision; not the university or the new Athletic Director. He owned it. And while there is still some debate about whether or not he should have allowed Blount to ever play again, you gotta love the drama of seeing him come in during the second half of the Civil War and scoring a touchdown. Even the Beaver fans went wild.
John Stewart / Stephen Colbert
If you only get your news from one source, get it from these guys.
The Daily Show with John Stewart gives you the big stories and digs deeper to ferret out the crap behind those stories. It’s often profane but always funny and insightful.
The Colbert Report mocks every “news commentator” show you’ve ever seen. How he stays “in character” like he does is beyond me! After you watch him a while, it’s tough to watch the “real” commentators (O’Reilly, Olbermann and Beck, for example) without wanting to laugh out loud at their antics.
Elizabeth, Jake and Jeremy (Plus Jeremiah, Rachel and Cassie)
As any parent knows, there is an enormous amount of satisfaction watching your kids lives. Whether they are young or old it’s always interesting (and sometimes heartbreaking) to watch them move through life. As my good friend, Robert Currie, always says, “We get to buy the ticket but we don’t get to go on the ride.” Now that my kids are grown, I don’t have to buy the ticket very often but I still live vicariously as they go on the ride. And it is still a blast watching them stretch and grow in all sorts of new ways.
Don’t know what I’d do without them!
Holiday Survey
Chain letters. Remember those? It’s like being held for ransom. “Do whatever we say in this letter or someone will die!” And as proof they mention some former general in the Philippines who met his untimely demise because he failed to keep the chain going.
These days we get them by email, of course, and usually it says something like: “Forward all your personal information to me and 300 of your closest friends. It will be fun and you’ll probably get a check for a million bucks in the mail, like the friend of my cousin’s auto mechanic did. And if you don’t then a random retired general in the Philippines will surely die.”
So, when I got a holiday “survey” from one of my co-workers (who shall remain nameless), my first reaction was to delete it but then I thought: Hey! This might be just the kind of thing to use in my blog!
So here is my plagiarized and tweaked version of the holiday survey, with my answers included. Feel free to answer these questions – or not. If you do, and want to send me your answers, great! I’ll probably even read ‘em and it’ll give us a chance to get to know each other a little better and, who knows, we might just save the life of a former general in the Philippines!
One more thing. If my responses sound, oh, pathetic, that’s because they are BUT if they sound like I must be horribly miserable and lonely, I’m not. When my kids were growing up we had a TON of traditions. My answers would have looked completely different ten years ago! These days it’s a little different but I still love the holiday and especially love hanging with my family. It just may not seem like it from my answers . . .
1. Real tree, artificial tree, menorah or other?
* No tree. It’s just me and Rudy. I don’t need the hassle and she doesn’t need the extra fiber.
2. Favorite ornament or decoration?
* Well, uh, I know this will come as no surprise from a guy who likes Broadway musicals but I have this “Dickens Village” with a church and house and people and snow and stuff. It even lights up. That’s my favorite.
3. When do you put up the decorations?
* Never. Even the Dickens Village stuff is still in a box in the garage.
4. When do you take down the decorations?
* Uh, were you not paying attention? If I don’t put any up, I don’t have to take any down!
5. Christmas cards by mail or e-mail?
* None of the above. I’m a hermit. And a Scrooge. We don’t send out Christmas cards.
6. When do you start your holiday shopping?
* Around Thanksgiving. This year I pretty much did it all by shopping on Amazon from my recliner on Thanksgiving evening. All the Black Friday deals from the comfort of my own home.
7. Hardest person to buy for?
* These days I pretty much just buy gifts for my kids and their spouse / significant others AND my parents. I have fallen into a routine of buying each kid a book, a DVD, something weird they didn’t ask for but that I think they might like / want and a bunch of random stuff like gift cards and stuff. For my parents, it’s usually a bag of M&Ms for my Mom and a can of peanuts for me Dad. Okay, I usually get them something else – a bit nicer too. So, that leaves Rudy who I usually forget to get anything for – just like I forgot to mention her until now. This year I’m thinking maybe some doggy valium.
8. Easiest person to buy for?
* Me. I know what I like and usually can’t wait for a holiday or birthday to get it. Makes it tough for everyone else though!
9. Are you a regifter?
* Uh, me? No, never! Well, uh maybe, sometimes. But only if it’s something really cool. Or something I wanna get rid of. Or something that’s lying around the house. Other than that, never!
10. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
* I’ve decided I am done with wrapping paper. If I have gift bags I’ll use ‘em. If not, I think I’m now old enough that I can start blaming my lack of wrapping skills on senility. “Yeah, I was gonna wrap it but, well, I couldn’t remember how to fold it so the edges kinda look like an envelope. I forgot everything I learned in Origami class, I guess. So, I hope you don’t mind that I just used an old Glad® lawnmower clippings bag . . .”
11. Favorite gift received as a child?
* No question! The James Bond 007 Attaché Case! It had everything an MI-6 agent could want! A “Rugged Molded Leather Grain Fitted Case With Plated Locks and Hardware.” Although, “Truth in Advertising” was not as important back then cuz what I remember was more like “Easily Cracked Plastic Case with Plastic Locks and Plasticware.” BUT it also had a pistol, with a silencer, which could be converted into a sniper rifle, along with REAL PLASTIC bullets with a hidden plastic dagger, fake passport and a code book. The Aston Martin and the Bond Babe were apparently extra and my parents we too cheap to get them for me. (And if you’re looking for the perfect gift for me, I found it on eBay for only $1,495!)
12. Weirdest gift ever received?
* A baseball mitt. I know that isn’t really all that weird but it was a gift from my Dad. Not my Mom and Dad. Not Santa. Just my Dad. Like my Dad, I was am totally un-athletic. I never went out for sports and my parents never once encouraged me to go out for a sport. I thought: “Well maybe he wants to play catch sometime.” Never came up. Not once. Never said anything about why he gave it to me. I asked him about it a couple of years ago and he had no recollection of it. My best guess is that he got it free and gave it to me just cuz he didn’t know what else to do with it. (If this sounds sad, it’s not. If it sounds pathetic, well, you were warned.)
13. Favorite holiday food?
* This is a tough one. Three things come to mind. My Mom, always a culinary maven, used to make a fruit salad by using a couple of cans of fruit cocktail mixed with whipping cream. What kid wouldn’t like that, huh? When I was married we always had this really great, spicy minestrone soup (more like a stew, really) on Christmas Eve. Oh man I loved that. Nancy got the recipe in the divorce. My new tradition (and new favorite holiday food) is having Dungeness crab, a baguette and (of course) beer for a Christmas Eve meal.
14. Favorite holiday drink?
* Jubelale
15. Favorite Christmas song?
* This is kinda tough. I have always loved holiday music. And every year I buy more. And every year I torture the fine people I work with by playing it too loudly. I don’t think I can pick just one but here’s a few standouts:
* Three Kings by Miles Davis
* Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town by Bruce Springsteen
* I Bought You a Plastic Star for Your Aluminum Christmas Tree by Michael Franks
* Santa’s Comin’ To Town by the Sounds of Blackness
* Baby It’s Cold Outside by James Taylor and Natalie Cole
* Hallelujah from Handel’s Messiah: A Soulful Celebration by Take 6 and a bunch of other folks
* Jingle Bell Rock by Geoff Moore and The Distance.
16. Favorite holiday movie?
* White Christmas. No question about it. Although I love A Christmas Story and A Muppet Christmas Carol (if for no other reason than the line: “Light the lamp, not the rat! Light the lamp, not the rat!”)
17. Travel or stay home at Christmas?
* Stay home! I hate having to go anywhere on Christmas. Bah humbug!
18. Open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?
* One present on Christmas Eve – kid selected by parent approved (just in case they choose something too big a deal to open on Christmas Eve). Everything else, including stockings, must wait until Christmas morning. (As required by Oregon state law – ORS.12.25)
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?
* Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen. Comet and Stupid, Tiger and Leviticus. And Rudolph Giuliani
Let me conclude by passing along my favorite holiday greeting from this year, from Michelle Obama:
"On behalf of the President, Malia, Sasha, Bo and Grandma, we wish everybody a happy holidays, Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukah, anybody who's out there celebrating anything: Happy!"
So, there you have it. On behalf of the Obama’s and myself: Happy!
These days we get them by email, of course, and usually it says something like: “Forward all your personal information to me and 300 of your closest friends. It will be fun and you’ll probably get a check for a million bucks in the mail, like the friend of my cousin’s auto mechanic did. And if you don’t then a random retired general in the Philippines will surely die.”
So, when I got a holiday “survey” from one of my co-workers (who shall remain nameless), my first reaction was to delete it but then I thought: Hey! This might be just the kind of thing to use in my blog!
So here is my plagiarized and tweaked version of the holiday survey, with my answers included. Feel free to answer these questions – or not. If you do, and want to send me your answers, great! I’ll probably even read ‘em and it’ll give us a chance to get to know each other a little better and, who knows, we might just save the life of a former general in the Philippines!
One more thing. If my responses sound, oh, pathetic, that’s because they are BUT if they sound like I must be horribly miserable and lonely, I’m not. When my kids were growing up we had a TON of traditions. My answers would have looked completely different ten years ago! These days it’s a little different but I still love the holiday and especially love hanging with my family. It just may not seem like it from my answers . . .
1. Real tree, artificial tree, menorah or other?
* No tree. It’s just me and Rudy. I don’t need the hassle and she doesn’t need the extra fiber.
2. Favorite ornament or decoration?
* Well, uh, I know this will come as no surprise from a guy who likes Broadway musicals but I have this “Dickens Village” with a church and house and people and snow and stuff. It even lights up. That’s my favorite.
3. When do you put up the decorations?
* Never. Even the Dickens Village stuff is still in a box in the garage.
4. When do you take down the decorations?
* Uh, were you not paying attention? If I don’t put any up, I don’t have to take any down!
5. Christmas cards by mail or e-mail?
* None of the above. I’m a hermit. And a Scrooge. We don’t send out Christmas cards.
6. When do you start your holiday shopping?
* Around Thanksgiving. This year I pretty much did it all by shopping on Amazon from my recliner on Thanksgiving evening. All the Black Friday deals from the comfort of my own home.
7. Hardest person to buy for?
* These days I pretty much just buy gifts for my kids and their spouse / significant others AND my parents. I have fallen into a routine of buying each kid a book, a DVD, something weird they didn’t ask for but that I think they might like / want and a bunch of random stuff like gift cards and stuff. For my parents, it’s usually a bag of M&Ms for my Mom and a can of peanuts for me Dad. Okay, I usually get them something else – a bit nicer too. So, that leaves Rudy who I usually forget to get anything for – just like I forgot to mention her until now. This year I’m thinking maybe some doggy valium.
8. Easiest person to buy for?
* Me. I know what I like and usually can’t wait for a holiday or birthday to get it. Makes it tough for everyone else though!
9. Are you a regifter?
* Uh, me? No, never! Well, uh maybe, sometimes. But only if it’s something really cool. Or something I wanna get rid of. Or something that’s lying around the house. Other than that, never!
10. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
* I’ve decided I am done with wrapping paper. If I have gift bags I’ll use ‘em. If not, I think I’m now old enough that I can start blaming my lack of wrapping skills on senility. “Yeah, I was gonna wrap it but, well, I couldn’t remember how to fold it so the edges kinda look like an envelope. I forgot everything I learned in Origami class, I guess. So, I hope you don’t mind that I just used an old Glad® lawnmower clippings bag . . .”
11. Favorite gift received as a child?
* No question! The James Bond 007 Attaché Case! It had everything an MI-6 agent could want! A “Rugged Molded Leather Grain Fitted Case With Plated Locks and Hardware.” Although, “Truth in Advertising” was not as important back then cuz what I remember was more like “Easily Cracked Plastic Case with Plastic Locks and Plasticware.” BUT it also had a pistol, with a silencer, which could be converted into a sniper rifle, along with REAL PLASTIC bullets with a hidden plastic dagger, fake passport and a code book. The Aston Martin and the Bond Babe were apparently extra and my parents we too cheap to get them for me. (And if you’re looking for the perfect gift for me, I found it on eBay for only $1,495!)
12. Weirdest gift ever received?
* A baseball mitt. I know that isn’t really all that weird but it was a gift from my Dad. Not my Mom and Dad. Not Santa. Just my Dad. Like my Dad, I was am totally un-athletic. I never went out for sports and my parents never once encouraged me to go out for a sport. I thought: “Well maybe he wants to play catch sometime.” Never came up. Not once. Never said anything about why he gave it to me. I asked him about it a couple of years ago and he had no recollection of it. My best guess is that he got it free and gave it to me just cuz he didn’t know what else to do with it. (If this sounds sad, it’s not. If it sounds pathetic, well, you were warned.)
13. Favorite holiday food?
* This is a tough one. Three things come to mind. My Mom, always a culinary maven, used to make a fruit salad by using a couple of cans of fruit cocktail mixed with whipping cream. What kid wouldn’t like that, huh? When I was married we always had this really great, spicy minestrone soup (more like a stew, really) on Christmas Eve. Oh man I loved that. Nancy got the recipe in the divorce. My new tradition (and new favorite holiday food) is having Dungeness crab, a baguette and (of course) beer for a Christmas Eve meal.
14. Favorite holiday drink?
* Jubelale
15. Favorite Christmas song?
* This is kinda tough. I have always loved holiday music. And every year I buy more. And every year I torture the fine people I work with by playing it too loudly. I don’t think I can pick just one but here’s a few standouts:
* Three Kings by Miles Davis
* Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town by Bruce Springsteen
* I Bought You a Plastic Star for Your Aluminum Christmas Tree by Michael Franks
* Santa’s Comin’ To Town by the Sounds of Blackness
* Baby It’s Cold Outside by James Taylor and Natalie Cole
* Hallelujah from Handel’s Messiah: A Soulful Celebration by Take 6 and a bunch of other folks
* Jingle Bell Rock by Geoff Moore and The Distance.
16. Favorite holiday movie?
* White Christmas. No question about it. Although I love A Christmas Story and A Muppet Christmas Carol (if for no other reason than the line: “Light the lamp, not the rat! Light the lamp, not the rat!”)
17. Travel or stay home at Christmas?
* Stay home! I hate having to go anywhere on Christmas. Bah humbug!
18. Open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?
* One present on Christmas Eve – kid selected by parent approved (just in case they choose something too big a deal to open on Christmas Eve). Everything else, including stockings, must wait until Christmas morning. (As required by Oregon state law – ORS.12.25)
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?
* Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen. Comet and Stupid, Tiger and Leviticus. And Rudolph Giuliani
Let me conclude by passing along my favorite holiday greeting from this year, from Michelle Obama:
"On behalf of the President, Malia, Sasha, Bo and Grandma, we wish everybody a happy holidays, Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukah, anybody who's out there celebrating anything: Happy!"
So, there you have it. On behalf of the Obama’s and myself: Happy!
As I Get Older
As I get older, some things that used to be important kinda aren’t so important any longer. Of course, there are other things that now are MORE important than they used to be. The other day I ran across a list someone put together (I wish I could remember who, so I could give them credit) that, in many ways, encompassed this idea. So, here they are – with a few comments of my own:
1. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
* And I’m making up for them now with my pre and post lunch naps
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
* Except for the moment you realized you weren’t wrong after all but still backed down.
3. Was learning cursive really necessary?
* No, but learning to write on a straight edge was vital to my own survival.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
* Until then, I will continue to use Tahoma.
5. Google Maps really needs to start their directions at around step #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
* Although for some reason I cannot get back home from Costco without my GPS
6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
* “Natural causes” – I mean, come on!
7. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
* Too tired to respond. See #1 above
8. Bad decisions make good stories.
* As evidenced by most everything you ever get from me.
9. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my video collection. Again.
* True story: U.S. Bank - early adopters of the Sony Betamax format
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
* For me this is usually about Noon which conveniently coincides with my arrival at work.
11. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page document that I swear I did not make any changes to.
* Not nearly as bad as having your workstation crash in the middle of typing an email though. Not that that would happen with the fine equipment provided by my employer!
12. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
* Or “Wash with like colors.” Is orange like red? Or by “like” do they mean that they’re friendly with each other?
13. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
* Okay so this is only half true for me. At work I try to answer every call by the third ring. With my cell phone, I usually don’t answer at all if I can’t determine from Caller ID who the call is from. Or how to answer my phone, which is a recurring issue for me.
14. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
* Uh, totally not true for me. While it might be true to say: “I hate leaving my house” the whole notion of my being “confident and looking good” is not likely. Especially the “looking good” part. In fact, every day I panic over the whole rule about wearing black with brown or blue with black or white after Labor Day or whatever the heck it is.
15. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
* I would never do this! Unless it was a call from, oh say, my Dad on a day when I know he just wants to rant about something and, uh, maybe a few others who shall remain nameless.
16. My 6-year old grandson asked me in the car the other day "Grandpa what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
* Okay, so I don’t have any grandkids but Rudy does ask some occasionally odd questions.
17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
* Kinda funny but no. I do think that every room should have a night light, however.
18. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* I submit this is not possible. Just wad it up, throw it in the drawer and forget about it.
19. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
* And dude, you know who you are!
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Coors Lite than Kay.
* Jewelry, crappy beer and kisses. Three things I have virtually no experience with. I’ll just have to trust that this statement is true.
1. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
* And I’m making up for them now with my pre and post lunch naps
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
* Except for the moment you realized you weren’t wrong after all but still backed down.
3. Was learning cursive really necessary?
* No, but learning to write on a straight edge was vital to my own survival.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
* Until then, I will continue to use Tahoma.
5. Google Maps really needs to start their directions at around step #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
* Although for some reason I cannot get back home from Costco without my GPS
6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
* “Natural causes” – I mean, come on!
7. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
* Too tired to respond. See #1 above
8. Bad decisions make good stories.
* As evidenced by most everything you ever get from me.
9. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my video collection. Again.
* True story: U.S. Bank - early adopters of the Sony Betamax format
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
* For me this is usually about Noon which conveniently coincides with my arrival at work.
11. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page document that I swear I did not make any changes to.
* Not nearly as bad as having your workstation crash in the middle of typing an email though. Not that that would happen with the fine equipment provided by my employer!
12. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
* Or “Wash with like colors.” Is orange like red? Or by “like” do they mean that they’re friendly with each other?
13. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
* Okay so this is only half true for me. At work I try to answer every call by the third ring. With my cell phone, I usually don’t answer at all if I can’t determine from Caller ID who the call is from. Or how to answer my phone, which is a recurring issue for me.
14. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
* Uh, totally not true for me. While it might be true to say: “I hate leaving my house” the whole notion of my being “confident and looking good” is not likely. Especially the “looking good” part. In fact, every day I panic over the whole rule about wearing black with brown or blue with black or white after Labor Day or whatever the heck it is.
15. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
* I would never do this! Unless it was a call from, oh say, my Dad on a day when I know he just wants to rant about something and, uh, maybe a few others who shall remain nameless.
16. My 6-year old grandson asked me in the car the other day "Grandpa what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
* Okay, so I don’t have any grandkids but Rudy does ask some occasionally odd questions.
17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
* Kinda funny but no. I do think that every room should have a night light, however.
18. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* I submit this is not possible. Just wad it up, throw it in the drawer and forget about it.
19. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
* And dude, you know who you are!
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Coors Lite than Kay.
* Jewelry, crappy beer and kisses. Three things I have virtually no experience with. I’ll just have to trust that this statement is true.
48 Hours
I know my pitiful life is not all that interesting but there were 48 hours this last week that were pretty jam packed. At least for a lazy slacker like me, anyway. Here are the highlights - or lowlights. You be the judge . . .
Wednesday, December 2nd
Early afternoon: People dropping by the office keep asking, "What the heck is in that ginormous box?" My coworkers politely explain that “Peter lost a bet” and has to pay it back by dressing up as Captain Shield (the U.S. Bank mascot) for an event that night. I remain quietly in my office.
Still early afternoon: a couple of us walk over to the Eugene Hilton to drop off some stuff for tonight’s University of Oregon Alumni Association Tailgate Auction. Even though the mascot suit comes with its own convenient carry bag, it is still a pain in the (insert your own favorite name for the body part normally referred to in this context here) to lug around! I manage to knock down a fellow employee just once on the way over. On the other hand, the Hilton will have to replace a few dozen water glasses that met an untimely demise.
4:30 PM: Back at the Hilton to get dressed for the big event. I believe my rep as a playa was enhanced by wearing this outfit. It certainly couldn’t have been hurt.
5:00 PM: People begin to arrive. I wander around in the lobby and wave my stubby little arms. People mostly just stare but the occasional friendly person will say hello or give me a high five.
5:30 PM: I am already bored. And hot! This is not nearly as much fun as I had hoped. Plus the fan inside the suit (yes there is a fan!) lacks a battery pack. I ask for water and magically it appears.
6:00 PM: Boredom morphs into delirium. Or heat stroke. Or both. With some help, I navigate the hallway to step outside into the cool night air for a bit of a break. A fellow employee claims steam is coming off of me. She hoses me down and we head back inside.
6:15 PM: I am certain that three hours have gone by. My co-worker tells me it’s only been just over an hour.
6:20 PM: I try to take my mind off of things by playing solitaire on my iPhone. I discover that I need my hands for that and they are currently stuck in some kind huge four fingered gloves which makes use of the touch screen impossible.
6:30 PM: My boss comes by and says, “Can I interest you in a deal?” My first thought is that it was one of her “deals” that resulted in me being in this costume but then I think, “what could she do that would be worse than this?” I say, “Sure.” She then tells me that a friend of a senior executive has an extra ticket to the Civil War and she wonders if I could use it. Now I am concerned that maybe she is delirious. (Most of my bosses over the years have gone out of their way to keep me from having contact with anyone important.) I, of course, am happy to snag the ticket and resolve to not embarrass my boss, her boss, her bosses boss or U.S. Bancorp with any inappropriate behavior at the game. (Did I mention that I might have been delirious?)
6:45 PM: I accidentally grope a fellow U.S. Bank employee. Honest - it was an accident! You try wearing that costume and not having at least one or two social faux pas! Out of consideration to the employee, I won’t mention her name here (although my bet is that HR certainly knows her name and is fully aware of this incident. (Anyone know what the statute of limitations is on accidental cartoon character groping?)
7:00 PM: I follow my boss to the front of the room where she makes some great remarks about U.S. Bank, including how much money we have donated to the Alumni Association from the UO Alumni Check Card program. I wave a little, give a “thumbs up” sign or two and even give her a “side hug” without accidentally groping her.
7:15 PM: The costume is off and I get to eat some rubber game hen, surprisingly good asparagus and some kind of cinnamon honey potatoes. (Potatoes should not be sweet. Even sweet potatoes should not be sweet.) I also have the first of a series of gin and tonics.
8:00 PM: Time to head home. I walk to my car with the aforementioned grope victim. She is surprisingly gracious. To the best of my knowledge, no one is injured as I lug back the costume in its ultra-awkward carrying case.
8:30 PM: Rudy greets me at the door, jumping up and down with excitement – as always - and sniffing me because apparently I smell an awful lot like everyone else who has ever worn the Captain Shield outfit.
Thursday, December 3rd
9:30 AM: I arrive at work – early, as usual. Here’s a tip: When lugging an enormous, unwieldy, mascot costume in a big blue canvas bag, expect some stares. Also, do not carry coffee in your “free” hand – because you don’t have one.
10:00 AM: I drink the remaining half of my coffee and begin responding to the emails, phone calls and instant messages about the civil war. For some reason, I have become a magnet for smack talk from Duck fans. And let me just point out that some people, who shall remain nameless.
Noon: The senior executive's good friend drops by with his extra ticket. Turns out the ticket is not all that great. Section 11 on the 50 yard line, Row 40. No beer. Even still I offer to wash his car once a month for the next 30 years.
3:30 PM: I will tell this next part as delicately as I can. I, uh, decide to use the restroom before heading out to the game. I am, uh, in a stall and minding my own business. Someone else is in the stall next to me. As every guy knows, the first rule of Bathroom Club is that you don’t talk – unless you are washing your hands or entering / exiting the rest room. So, imagine my surprise (shock, actually) when the individual in the next stall flashes his deluxe, platinum plated, four wheel drive, nuclear powered Civil War tickets at me from underneath the stall divider! He says something like, “Don’t you wish you had these?” I play along saying that my little 50 yard line ticket does not hold a candle to the luxurious accommodations that await him at the game. And if that weren’t enough (and don’t you think it should be?) he then flashes his VIP parking pass! Sometimes it seems there is no end to the humiliation I must suffer.
4:00 PM: I leave to catch the shuttle bus to Autzen. I stop in the Eugene Main branch to get some one dollar bills for the bus fare. I am dressed in OSU colors. The staff refuses to make change for me.
4:30 PM: I get on the shuttle and make the usual five minute trip to Autzen in just under 45 minutes.
5:30 PM: I make it into the stadium. There is surprisingly, a fair amount of orange and black in the sea of green and yellow.
5:45 PM: I find my seat. Actually the word seat is a bit of a stretch in that the civil engineers who designed the seating for Autzen Stadium believe the average width of the human body is 5.3 inches. Standing seems like the best option.
5:50 PM: “I Love My Ducks” comes up on the Duck Vision screen. Conveniently it cuts to a live shot of the Ducks running out onto the field just before it gets to the scene featuring the Duck mascot. A lawsuit with Disney is averted!
6:00 PM: Kickoff! It’s a balmy 35 degrees! I am warm and toasty due to the 15 layers of clothing I have on PLUS the hand and toe warmers I have left over from the Inauguration last January.
First Half Highlights: I spend much of the first half searching for future-ex-wife, Erin Andrews who is at the game as a sideline reporter for ESPN. Apparently her security contingent became aware of my presence because I was never able to locate her. Other than that, I don’t embarrass myself too badly in front of senior executive’s friend and his family. Well, except for the part where I smacked him on the (insert your own favorite name for the body part normally referred to in this context here) and yelled, “Go Beavs!” It’s at that point I notice that I am the only one wearing orange within a half mile radius. I decide to keep it low key, out of concern for my well being. More importantly – both teams play GREAT. Holy cow.
Halftime: Against my better judgment, I watch both marching bands, out of respect for my band geek friends. Who knew the soundtrack to Back to the Future could be so painfully dull? AND, isn’t it cheating if your marching band has a full ten piece rhythm section playing on the sideline? After they are done I sneak out to get popcorn.
Early 3rd Quarter: I get my popcorn and head down the aisle to row 40. There are two girls sitting at the end of the row that I don’t recognize from earlier. I excuse myself as I move past them to the middle of the section where my seat is. I then step on the toes of a couple who are, frankly, a big too large to be safely allowed into the stadium. From there I knock over a water bottle and smudge a blanket before getting to my spot. Once there I realize I don’t recognize anyone around me and wonder if some kind of rift in the space / time continuum has transferred me to a parallel universe. Or maybe it’s just that I AM IN THE WRONG SECTION! I then apologized individually to everyone in row 40 of section 10, telling them that I am just a poor Beaver fan who has lost his way. Thankfully they decide not to beat me to a bloody pulp.
Second Half Highlights: The sado-masochistic announcer tells the crowd that the temperature is now 32 degrees with a wind chill making it feel like it’s 27 degrees. I hear loud laughter from Carl Burgdorfer’s suite. If possible, the second half is even better than the first. LeGarrette Blount comes in and Duck fans cry tears of joy. Then he scores and Beaver fans cry tears of anguish. The game is a highlight reel of amazing plays and great coaching (and one too many field goals that should have been a touchdown).
Post Game: A few people casually walk down onto the field to join in the post game celebration. And by “a few people” I mean everyone but me. The pain of losing eases a bit when I realize that since the Beavs didn’t win, my kids will have Christmas after all since I will not be spending a small fortune to go to the Rose Bowl.
The Bus: Maybe it’s just me, but being an infrequent attendee of big time football games, it was tough to figure out where the shuttle busses were located. Some signs would have been helpful. There were PLENTY of busses but all the ones I came across were for, oh say, the OSU Marching Band, shuttles to hotels, or guests of the Carl Burgdorfer VIP Limousine Service. Finally I discover that the shuttle busses I am looking for are conveniently located in nearby Veneta. Once on the bus (about an hour after the game is over) the driver mentions he is not familiar with Eugene and doesn’t really know where the downtown station is located. I realize I may never seem my family again.
10:00 PM: Apparently Autzen Stadium is under some kind of cone of silence because I am unable to receive text messages or Twitter updates during the game. Once I get about a mile away from the stadium my iPhone goes nuts with messages from, well, a lot of you guys who could not wait to talk smack.
10:30 PM: I arrive home. Rudy greets me at the door, jumping up and down with excitement – as always - and sniffing me because apparently I smell an awful lot like roasted beaver.
Friday, December 4th
9:30 AM: I arrive at work – early, as usual. Here’s a tip: When you have a lot of work to do but really want to spend the entire day talking about one of the coolest games in the history of college football, something will have to give. In my case it was, obviously, work . . .
One more thing (and I don’t expect to ever say this again in my lifetime) . . .
Go Ducks!
Wednesday, December 2nd
Early afternoon: People dropping by the office keep asking, "What the heck is in that ginormous box?" My coworkers politely explain that “Peter lost a bet” and has to pay it back by dressing up as Captain Shield (the U.S. Bank mascot) for an event that night. I remain quietly in my office.
Still early afternoon: a couple of us walk over to the Eugene Hilton to drop off some stuff for tonight’s University of Oregon Alumni Association Tailgate Auction. Even though the mascot suit comes with its own convenient carry bag, it is still a pain in the (insert your own favorite name for the body part normally referred to in this context here) to lug around! I manage to knock down a fellow employee just once on the way over. On the other hand, the Hilton will have to replace a few dozen water glasses that met an untimely demise.
4:30 PM: Back at the Hilton to get dressed for the big event. I believe my rep as a playa was enhanced by wearing this outfit. It certainly couldn’t have been hurt.
5:00 PM: People begin to arrive. I wander around in the lobby and wave my stubby little arms. People mostly just stare but the occasional friendly person will say hello or give me a high five.
5:30 PM: I am already bored. And hot! This is not nearly as much fun as I had hoped. Plus the fan inside the suit (yes there is a fan!) lacks a battery pack. I ask for water and magically it appears.
6:00 PM: Boredom morphs into delirium. Or heat stroke. Or both. With some help, I navigate the hallway to step outside into the cool night air for a bit of a break. A fellow employee claims steam is coming off of me. She hoses me down and we head back inside.
6:15 PM: I am certain that three hours have gone by. My co-worker tells me it’s only been just over an hour.
6:20 PM: I try to take my mind off of things by playing solitaire on my iPhone. I discover that I need my hands for that and they are currently stuck in some kind huge four fingered gloves which makes use of the touch screen impossible.
6:30 PM: My boss comes by and says, “Can I interest you in a deal?” My first thought is that it was one of her “deals” that resulted in me being in this costume but then I think, “what could she do that would be worse than this?” I say, “Sure.” She then tells me that a friend of a senior executive has an extra ticket to the Civil War and she wonders if I could use it. Now I am concerned that maybe she is delirious. (Most of my bosses over the years have gone out of their way to keep me from having contact with anyone important.) I, of course, am happy to snag the ticket and resolve to not embarrass my boss, her boss, her bosses boss or U.S. Bancorp with any inappropriate behavior at the game. (Did I mention that I might have been delirious?)
6:45 PM: I accidentally grope a fellow U.S. Bank employee. Honest - it was an accident! You try wearing that costume and not having at least one or two social faux pas! Out of consideration to the employee, I won’t mention her name here (although my bet is that HR certainly knows her name and is fully aware of this incident. (Anyone know what the statute of limitations is on accidental cartoon character groping?)
7:00 PM: I follow my boss to the front of the room where she makes some great remarks about U.S. Bank, including how much money we have donated to the Alumni Association from the UO Alumni Check Card program. I wave a little, give a “thumbs up” sign or two and even give her a “side hug” without accidentally groping her.
7:15 PM: The costume is off and I get to eat some rubber game hen, surprisingly good asparagus and some kind of cinnamon honey potatoes. (Potatoes should not be sweet. Even sweet potatoes should not be sweet.) I also have the first of a series of gin and tonics.
8:00 PM: Time to head home. I walk to my car with the aforementioned grope victim. She is surprisingly gracious. To the best of my knowledge, no one is injured as I lug back the costume in its ultra-awkward carrying case.
8:30 PM: Rudy greets me at the door, jumping up and down with excitement – as always - and sniffing me because apparently I smell an awful lot like everyone else who has ever worn the Captain Shield outfit.
Thursday, December 3rd
9:30 AM: I arrive at work – early, as usual. Here’s a tip: When lugging an enormous, unwieldy, mascot costume in a big blue canvas bag, expect some stares. Also, do not carry coffee in your “free” hand – because you don’t have one.
10:00 AM: I drink the remaining half of my coffee and begin responding to the emails, phone calls and instant messages about the civil war. For some reason, I have become a magnet for smack talk from Duck fans. And let me just point out that some people, who shall remain nameless.
Noon: The senior executive's good friend drops by with his extra ticket. Turns out the ticket is not all that great. Section 11 on the 50 yard line, Row 40. No beer. Even still I offer to wash his car once a month for the next 30 years.
3:30 PM: I will tell this next part as delicately as I can. I, uh, decide to use the restroom before heading out to the game. I am, uh, in a stall and minding my own business. Someone else is in the stall next to me. As every guy knows, the first rule of Bathroom Club is that you don’t talk – unless you are washing your hands or entering / exiting the rest room. So, imagine my surprise (shock, actually) when the individual in the next stall flashes his deluxe, platinum plated, four wheel drive, nuclear powered Civil War tickets at me from underneath the stall divider! He says something like, “Don’t you wish you had these?” I play along saying that my little 50 yard line ticket does not hold a candle to the luxurious accommodations that await him at the game. And if that weren’t enough (and don’t you think it should be?) he then flashes his VIP parking pass! Sometimes it seems there is no end to the humiliation I must suffer.
4:00 PM: I leave to catch the shuttle bus to Autzen. I stop in the Eugene Main branch to get some one dollar bills for the bus fare. I am dressed in OSU colors. The staff refuses to make change for me.
4:30 PM: I get on the shuttle and make the usual five minute trip to Autzen in just under 45 minutes.
5:30 PM: I make it into the stadium. There is surprisingly, a fair amount of orange and black in the sea of green and yellow.
5:45 PM: I find my seat. Actually the word seat is a bit of a stretch in that the civil engineers who designed the seating for Autzen Stadium believe the average width of the human body is 5.3 inches. Standing seems like the best option.
5:50 PM: “I Love My Ducks” comes up on the Duck Vision screen. Conveniently it cuts to a live shot of the Ducks running out onto the field just before it gets to the scene featuring the Duck mascot. A lawsuit with Disney is averted!
6:00 PM: Kickoff! It’s a balmy 35 degrees! I am warm and toasty due to the 15 layers of clothing I have on PLUS the hand and toe warmers I have left over from the Inauguration last January.
First Half Highlights: I spend much of the first half searching for future-ex-wife, Erin Andrews who is at the game as a sideline reporter for ESPN. Apparently her security contingent became aware of my presence because I was never able to locate her. Other than that, I don’t embarrass myself too badly in front of senior executive’s friend and his family. Well, except for the part where I smacked him on the (insert your own favorite name for the body part normally referred to in this context here) and yelled, “Go Beavs!” It’s at that point I notice that I am the only one wearing orange within a half mile radius. I decide to keep it low key, out of concern for my well being. More importantly – both teams play GREAT. Holy cow.
Halftime: Against my better judgment, I watch both marching bands, out of respect for my band geek friends. Who knew the soundtrack to Back to the Future could be so painfully dull? AND, isn’t it cheating if your marching band has a full ten piece rhythm section playing on the sideline? After they are done I sneak out to get popcorn.
Early 3rd Quarter: I get my popcorn and head down the aisle to row 40. There are two girls sitting at the end of the row that I don’t recognize from earlier. I excuse myself as I move past them to the middle of the section where my seat is. I then step on the toes of a couple who are, frankly, a big too large to be safely allowed into the stadium. From there I knock over a water bottle and smudge a blanket before getting to my spot. Once there I realize I don’t recognize anyone around me and wonder if some kind of rift in the space / time continuum has transferred me to a parallel universe. Or maybe it’s just that I AM IN THE WRONG SECTION! I then apologized individually to everyone in row 40 of section 10, telling them that I am just a poor Beaver fan who has lost his way. Thankfully they decide not to beat me to a bloody pulp.
Second Half Highlights: The sado-masochistic announcer tells the crowd that the temperature is now 32 degrees with a wind chill making it feel like it’s 27 degrees. I hear loud laughter from Carl Burgdorfer’s suite. If possible, the second half is even better than the first. LeGarrette Blount comes in and Duck fans cry tears of joy. Then he scores and Beaver fans cry tears of anguish. The game is a highlight reel of amazing plays and great coaching (and one too many field goals that should have been a touchdown).
Post Game: A few people casually walk down onto the field to join in the post game celebration. And by “a few people” I mean everyone but me. The pain of losing eases a bit when I realize that since the Beavs didn’t win, my kids will have Christmas after all since I will not be spending a small fortune to go to the Rose Bowl.
The Bus: Maybe it’s just me, but being an infrequent attendee of big time football games, it was tough to figure out where the shuttle busses were located. Some signs would have been helpful. There were PLENTY of busses but all the ones I came across were for, oh say, the OSU Marching Band, shuttles to hotels, or guests of the Carl Burgdorfer VIP Limousine Service. Finally I discover that the shuttle busses I am looking for are conveniently located in nearby Veneta. Once on the bus (about an hour after the game is over) the driver mentions he is not familiar with Eugene and doesn’t really know where the downtown station is located. I realize I may never seem my family again.
10:00 PM: Apparently Autzen Stadium is under some kind of cone of silence because I am unable to receive text messages or Twitter updates during the game. Once I get about a mile away from the stadium my iPhone goes nuts with messages from, well, a lot of you guys who could not wait to talk smack.
10:30 PM: I arrive home. Rudy greets me at the door, jumping up and down with excitement – as always - and sniffing me because apparently I smell an awful lot like roasted beaver.
Friday, December 4th
9:30 AM: I arrive at work – early, as usual. Here’s a tip: When you have a lot of work to do but really want to spend the entire day talking about one of the coolest games in the history of college football, something will have to give. In my case it was, obviously, work . . .
One more thing (and I don’t expect to ever say this again in my lifetime) . . .
Go Ducks!
Random Thanksgiving
It’s that time of year. My favorite holiday is almost here! Thanksgiving is just around the corner! Woo hoo!
If you’re like me (and I know you’re glad you’re not) Thanksgiving in my family is always somewhat chaotic but, in the end, it all seems to come together. In that vein, here are some random thoughts, memories and menu suggestions about Thanks giving. Hopefully, in the end, it will all come together and make sense! Or not . . .
Minimum Standards for a Successful Thanksgiving Meal
* Turkey (duh!) No goose, ham or other unworthy substitutes
* Mashed Potatoes & Gravy. 800 lbs of mashed potatoes and a 55 gallon drum of gravy
* Stuffing. Nothing involving livers, gizzards, walnuts or other exotic ingredients. Bread, seasonings, liquid – mix it together and you’re done.
* Green Beans. Not that disgusting green bean, soup, French onion concoction that everyone’s grandma makes. Yecch!
* Cranberries. Not cranberry jelly – or whatever it’s called - but real cranberries
* Black Olives. One can per person. And yes, I still put them on my fingers.
* Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider. Although there are beers that go well with Thanksgiving dinner (Saison Dupont, for example) my favorite Thanksgiving beverage is sparkling cider. Period.
* Pumpkin Pie. Like vegetables, simple and traditional is best. Don’t be bringing in your Mom’s Famous Mincemeat Pie.
* Whipping Cream. You can never have enough whipped cream. (Am I right, people?) While this can be eaten all by itself, I usually disguise my obsession by eating it with a slice of pumpkin pie. Cool Whip is a sad, sad substitute and has no place at the Thanksgiving table.
Random Thanksgiving Memories
* Getting up early, making coffee and reading the paper while watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
* The Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions always play games on Thanksgiving Day. My least favorite NFL team and the perennially worst NFL team. This is not a highlight.
* When our kids were very young we started a family tradition of going to a movie after Thanksgiving dinner. When we first started doing this, the theater was virtually empty. Now everyone seems to do this.
* However, due to the magic sleep potion in turkey, I pretty much always fall asleep during the movie. Movies I have missed large portions of: Toy Story, Toy Story II, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Catch Me If You Can.
Best Thanksgiving Memory
* Jeremy’s birthday is November 25th and he came home from the hospital on Thanksgiving Day. Nancy’s mother got the turkey in the oven and the rest of the meal started while I was bringing them home. It was a crummy, cold, rainy day (not unlike today in western Oregon) but when we got Jerm home, and our little family of 5 gathered around the table (with Jerm sleeping in his bassinette thingy) it became the Best. Thanksgiving. Ever!
Things I’m Thankful For This Year
* My kids and their S.O.’s. Elizabeth & Jeremiah, Jake & Rachel, Jeremy & Cassie!
* Rudy. And Elizabeth’s enormous yellow lab, Hank.
* My Mom. The unintentionally funniest woman in America.
* My Dad. He provides hours and hours of fun with his unending rants on the current state of affairs in the United States.
* My brother and sisters. Especially my brother’s rebuttals of my father’s rants!
* Beer.
* Friends.
* Great books. South of Broad, Judas Unchained, The Shack
* Trashy TV: Mad Men, Modern Family, Battlestar Gasucktica and, of course, Survivor, Amazing Race and Big Brother.
* Music: Michael Franti & Spearhead, Raphael Saadiq, Melody Gardot, Glee,
* Beer.
* Politics. I’m a junkie for all the in-fighting and stupid commentary on the news channels and blogosphere. Bless you Glenn Beck, Keith Olberman, Sarah Palin, Nancy Pelosi, Sean Hannity, Lou Dobbs, Chris Matthews and Carrie Prejean. Thank heavens we have John Stewart and Stephen Colbert to help us sort it all out.
* My job. Because where else could I work and be able to do this kinda stuff each week!
If you’re like me (and I know you’re glad you’re not) Thanksgiving in my family is always somewhat chaotic but, in the end, it all seems to come together. In that vein, here are some random thoughts, memories and menu suggestions about Thanks giving. Hopefully, in the end, it will all come together and make sense! Or not . . .
Minimum Standards for a Successful Thanksgiving Meal
* Turkey (duh!) No goose, ham or other unworthy substitutes
* Mashed Potatoes & Gravy. 800 lbs of mashed potatoes and a 55 gallon drum of gravy
* Stuffing. Nothing involving livers, gizzards, walnuts or other exotic ingredients. Bread, seasonings, liquid – mix it together and you’re done.
* Green Beans. Not that disgusting green bean, soup, French onion concoction that everyone’s grandma makes. Yecch!
* Cranberries. Not cranberry jelly – or whatever it’s called - but real cranberries
* Black Olives. One can per person. And yes, I still put them on my fingers.
* Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider. Although there are beers that go well with Thanksgiving dinner (Saison Dupont, for example) my favorite Thanksgiving beverage is sparkling cider. Period.
* Pumpkin Pie. Like vegetables, simple and traditional is best. Don’t be bringing in your Mom’s Famous Mincemeat Pie.
* Whipping Cream. You can never have enough whipped cream. (Am I right, people?) While this can be eaten all by itself, I usually disguise my obsession by eating it with a slice of pumpkin pie. Cool Whip is a sad, sad substitute and has no place at the Thanksgiving table.
Random Thanksgiving Memories
* Getting up early, making coffee and reading the paper while watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
* The Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions always play games on Thanksgiving Day. My least favorite NFL team and the perennially worst NFL team. This is not a highlight.
* When our kids were very young we started a family tradition of going to a movie after Thanksgiving dinner. When we first started doing this, the theater was virtually empty. Now everyone seems to do this.
* However, due to the magic sleep potion in turkey, I pretty much always fall asleep during the movie. Movies I have missed large portions of: Toy Story, Toy Story II, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Catch Me If You Can.
Best Thanksgiving Memory
* Jeremy’s birthday is November 25th and he came home from the hospital on Thanksgiving Day. Nancy’s mother got the turkey in the oven and the rest of the meal started while I was bringing them home. It was a crummy, cold, rainy day (not unlike today in western Oregon) but when we got Jerm home, and our little family of 5 gathered around the table (with Jerm sleeping in his bassinette thingy) it became the Best. Thanksgiving. Ever!
Things I’m Thankful For This Year
* My kids and their S.O.’s. Elizabeth & Jeremiah, Jake & Rachel, Jeremy & Cassie!
* Rudy. And Elizabeth’s enormous yellow lab, Hank.
* My Mom. The unintentionally funniest woman in America.
* My Dad. He provides hours and hours of fun with his unending rants on the current state of affairs in the United States.
* My brother and sisters. Especially my brother’s rebuttals of my father’s rants!
* Beer.
* Friends.
* Great books. South of Broad, Judas Unchained, The Shack
* Trashy TV: Mad Men, Modern Family, Battlestar Gasucktica and, of course, Survivor, Amazing Race and Big Brother.
* Music: Michael Franti & Spearhead, Raphael Saadiq, Melody Gardot, Glee,
* Beer.
* Politics. I’m a junkie for all the in-fighting and stupid commentary on the news channels and blogosphere. Bless you Glenn Beck, Keith Olberman, Sarah Palin, Nancy Pelosi, Sean Hannity, Lou Dobbs, Chris Matthews and Carrie Prejean. Thank heavens we have John Stewart and Stephen Colbert to help us sort it all out.
* My job. Because where else could I work and be able to do this kinda stuff each week!
Stock Market Update: Thursday, November 19, 2009
Well, let's see what exciting news there is today . . .
Oregon's state economist declares the recession is over! (Feel free to buy that summer home in Maui you've been dreaming about!)
British singing sensation, Susan Boyle sets a pre-order sales record on Amazon. (Just one more sign of the apocalypse!)
Tim Linecum won the Cy Young Award for the 2nd straight year. (Single handedly bringing back the mullet!)
Ireland demands a rematch with France because of the screw-up during their recent World Cup Soccer match. (And still no one in the U.S. cares.)
The University of California Board of Regents are looking at raising tuition by 32% (Message to students: It's not a tumah - it's a tuition.)
And, uh, check out this fabulous headline . . .
In addition to all that interesting stuff, there was a great article in the St. Paul Pioneer Press (say that three times real fast) about some recent remarks Richard Davis made. Many of you may have had this forwarded to you already but just in case you haven't seen it, well, it's below. Definitely worth a read - if only because Richard Davis is so quotable!
St. Paul Pioneer Press
Nov. 18, 2009
Davis has mellowed in his view of TARP
But U.S. Bancorp CEO says Washington feels need to punish banks
By Ann Harrington
When U.S. Bancorp CEO Richard Davis spoke at a business leaders' forum in February, he didn't have much good to say about the government's Troubled Asset Relief Program, which provided the bank with $6.6 billion — but with a lot of strings attached.
Judging by his comments at the monthly luncheon of the Association for Corporate Growth Minnesota on Tuesday, however, his opinion has mellowed somewhat — perhaps because his Minneapolis-based bank is one of the few to have completely extricated itself from TARP. Davis said he believes the program ultimately will be regarded as a decent one with decent returns.
Davis even had positive things to say about the government's stress tests for banks. He got a big laugh when he recalled, "We all went through stress tests. It worked. I was stressed the whole time." (Actually, U.S. Bancorp passed easily.)
But he's wary of what could happen to the financial system from a Washington he characterized as under pressure to punish the banks.
Davis compared the situation to a parent who needs to make a point to a misbehaving teen. It's tempting to take away the keys to the car, he said, but do we really want to chauffeur the child everywhere?
Similarly, he said, if some regulations are enacted, the nation could end up with a financial system in which it is difficult for consumers to get credit cards and businesses to get the loans that are needed to get the economy up and moving again.
Without doubt, he said, there were "some bad actors" in the financial industry, and he apologized "for some of the horrible things that happened." But not all banks are equal, he said.
And bankers aren't the only ones who should share the blame, he said. There also were "billions and billions of dollars" that consumers and businesses borrowed and then didn't pay back. "That's not cool," Davis said.
Moving forward, everyone must deal with all those bad bets, he said. He estimated that between $2 trillion and $3 trillion in assets in the financial system eventually will be written down, "and we're slightly more than halfway there."
Commercial real estate often is seen as a looming problem, but it won't be Armageddon, he said. "Just difficult."
Some banks will fail, and he said the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. is doing a good job of resolving those situations. But Davis added it could move faster, alluding to "a list we all have" of troubled banks. "Some banks have been on that list for 100 days," he said.
Davis seemed most concerned about the decisions Congress and regulators will make over the next nine weeks, saying he was spending "an inordinate amount of my time in Washington" trying to help decision makers understand the long-term implications of such decisions. He said that one senator (not from Minnesota) told him recently that there was "such a sentiment that we need to punish the banks."
That's where Davis (a father himself) made the comparison with punishing the teenager, and raised the specter of a world where loans and credit become very difficult to get.
Credit is key to moving forward, he said. When asked how we tell when we've turned the page, Davis said he's watching U.S. Bancorp's open lines of credit. Because businesses are moving cautiously right now, only a small percentage of that credit is actually being used. "It's yours to use and you won't use it," he said. When that changes, we'll be making progress, he said.
And one more article about the growth of deposits in the banking industry and how U.S. Bancorp is kicking butt - or, as I like to say: putting more (quality) junk in our trunk!
Stock Price
Oregon's state economist declares the recession is over! (Feel free to buy that summer home in Maui you've been dreaming about!)
British singing sensation, Susan Boyle sets a pre-order sales record on Amazon. (Just one more sign of the apocalypse!)
Tim Linecum won the Cy Young Award for the 2nd straight year. (Single handedly bringing back the mullet!)
Ireland demands a rematch with France because of the screw-up during their recent World Cup Soccer match. (And still no one in the U.S. cares.)
The University of California Board of Regents are looking at raising tuition by 32% (Message to students: It's not a tumah - it's a tuition.)
And, uh, check out this fabulous headline . . .
In addition to all that interesting stuff, there was a great article in the St. Paul Pioneer Press (say that three times real fast) about some recent remarks Richard Davis made. Many of you may have had this forwarded to you already but just in case you haven't seen it, well, it's below. Definitely worth a read - if only because Richard Davis is so quotable!
St. Paul Pioneer Press
Nov. 18, 2009
Davis has mellowed in his view of TARP
But U.S. Bancorp CEO says Washington feels need to punish banks
By Ann Harrington
When U.S. Bancorp CEO Richard Davis spoke at a business leaders' forum in February, he didn't have much good to say about the government's Troubled Asset Relief Program, which provided the bank with $6.6 billion — but with a lot of strings attached.
Judging by his comments at the monthly luncheon of the Association for Corporate Growth Minnesota on Tuesday, however, his opinion has mellowed somewhat — perhaps because his Minneapolis-based bank is one of the few to have completely extricated itself from TARP. Davis said he believes the program ultimately will be regarded as a decent one with decent returns.
Davis even had positive things to say about the government's stress tests for banks. He got a big laugh when he recalled, "We all went through stress tests. It worked. I was stressed the whole time." (Actually, U.S. Bancorp passed easily.)
But he's wary of what could happen to the financial system from a Washington he characterized as under pressure to punish the banks.
Davis compared the situation to a parent who needs to make a point to a misbehaving teen. It's tempting to take away the keys to the car, he said, but do we really want to chauffeur the child everywhere?
Similarly, he said, if some regulations are enacted, the nation could end up with a financial system in which it is difficult for consumers to get credit cards and businesses to get the loans that are needed to get the economy up and moving again.
Without doubt, he said, there were "some bad actors" in the financial industry, and he apologized "for some of the horrible things that happened." But not all banks are equal, he said.
And bankers aren't the only ones who should share the blame, he said. There also were "billions and billions of dollars" that consumers and businesses borrowed and then didn't pay back. "That's not cool," Davis said.
Moving forward, everyone must deal with all those bad bets, he said. He estimated that between $2 trillion and $3 trillion in assets in the financial system eventually will be written down, "and we're slightly more than halfway there."
Commercial real estate often is seen as a looming problem, but it won't be Armageddon, he said. "Just difficult."
Some banks will fail, and he said the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. is doing a good job of resolving those situations. But Davis added it could move faster, alluding to "a list we all have" of troubled banks. "Some banks have been on that list for 100 days," he said.
Davis seemed most concerned about the decisions Congress and regulators will make over the next nine weeks, saying he was spending "an inordinate amount of my time in Washington" trying to help decision makers understand the long-term implications of such decisions. He said that one senator (not from Minnesota) told him recently that there was "such a sentiment that we need to punish the banks."
That's where Davis (a father himself) made the comparison with punishing the teenager, and raised the specter of a world where loans and credit become very difficult to get.
Credit is key to moving forward, he said. When asked how we tell when we've turned the page, Davis said he's watching U.S. Bancorp's open lines of credit. Because businesses are moving cautiously right now, only a small percentage of that credit is actually being used. "It's yours to use and you won't use it," he said. When that changes, we'll be making progress, he said.
And one more article about the growth of deposits in the banking industry and how U.S. Bancorp is kicking butt - or, as I like to say: putting more (quality) junk in our trunk!
Stock Price
Stock Market Update: Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I ran across a headline that I thought was pretty funny:
Man raises money to fly military folk home for the holidays.
Believes that soldiers' time in unconventional combat against unseen extremists might adequately prepare them for a typical family Thanksgiving
But when I stopped to read the article I found that what it’s really all about is very cool. With Thanksgiving just a week away, I thought this was more appropriate than the usual stuff I include here about how Wall Street is doing!
Let's Bring Em Home (LBEH.org) is a non-profit organization, established in 2001, that arranges for transportation for enlisted military personnel who cannot afford the travel costs otherwise. LBEH is active primarily before and during US holidays, giving junior military personnel an opportunity to fly home and spend the holidays with their families. Travel is provided for free to the personnel who qualify. This year LBEH has raised over $13,000 so far this year but needs roughly $16,000 more to fulfill their current requests.
Is that a cool idea or what? Getting enlisted men and women back home with their families for the holidays! Sweet! (Anyone tearing up yet?) And it also reminds me of one of the coolest corporate programs I know of: U.S. Bancorp’s Employee Assistance Fund.
And for those of you who think this might be the kind of endeavor you’d like to support, I can’t vouch for how ethical or well managed they are but a cursory Google search didn’t turn up anything negative. (For whatever that may be worth . . .)
The Dow was down slightly today in light trading. (Okay, I have no idea if it was light trading, heavy trading or no trading at all. It just makes me feel like a CNBC anchor to use phrases like that!) U.S. Bank stock was down a whopping 3 cents.
Stock Price
Man raises money to fly military folk home for the holidays.
Believes that soldiers' time in unconventional combat against unseen extremists might adequately prepare them for a typical family Thanksgiving
But when I stopped to read the article I found that what it’s really all about is very cool. With Thanksgiving just a week away, I thought this was more appropriate than the usual stuff I include here about how Wall Street is doing!
Let's Bring Em Home (LBEH.org) is a non-profit organization, established in 2001, that arranges for transportation for enlisted military personnel who cannot afford the travel costs otherwise. LBEH is active primarily before and during US holidays, giving junior military personnel an opportunity to fly home and spend the holidays with their families. Travel is provided for free to the personnel who qualify. This year LBEH has raised over $13,000 so far this year but needs roughly $16,000 more to fulfill their current requests.
Is that a cool idea or what? Getting enlisted men and women back home with their families for the holidays! Sweet! (Anyone tearing up yet?) And it also reminds me of one of the coolest corporate programs I know of: U.S. Bancorp’s Employee Assistance Fund.
And for those of you who think this might be the kind of endeavor you’d like to support, I can’t vouch for how ethical or well managed they are but a cursory Google search didn’t turn up anything negative. (For whatever that may be worth . . .)
The Dow was down slightly today in light trading. (Okay, I have no idea if it was light trading, heavy trading or no trading at all. It just makes me feel like a CNBC anchor to use phrases like that!) U.S. Bank stock was down a whopping 3 cents.
Stock Price
Stock Market Update: Friday, November 13, 2009
U.S. Bank stock was down today and (according to a couple of sources I ran across) it is due to some comments by Dick Bove, (AKA, He Who Shall Not Be Named) who said today that U.S. Bank, “continues to strengthen its balance sheet but must do better in controlling loan losses . . . The bank has provided data to show that it is in better condition from an asset quality standpoint relative to its peers, but its loan quality is still eroding and this could create problems with the expansion program and the bank's success in building its balance sheet strengths."
Oh yeah? Well, yo momma’s so stupid she tried to put all the M&Ms in alphabetical order!
There, I feel better!
On the other hand, the Dow was up 73 points on news that NASA said today that there is LOTS of water on the moon. As opposed to cheese, as we were all taught in elementary school . . .
Stock Price
Oh yeah? Well, yo momma’s so stupid she tried to put all the M&Ms in alphabetical order!
There, I feel better!
On the other hand, the Dow was up 73 points on news that NASA said today that there is LOTS of water on the moon. As opposed to cheese, as we were all taught in elementary school . . .
Stock Price
The Name Game
Remember the old song, The Name Game? (I think that’s what it’s called anyway.) The one where you throw out and name and they sing it back to you in that weird rhyme thing? (“Peter, Peter, bo beter, banana fanna, foe feter, me, mie, moe, meter. Peter.”) Some names were way too tough to use. (Arcata, for example.) And some got your mouth washed out with soap. (like, uh, Chuck.)
It points out how important names can be. Recently The Edge in The Oregonian, listed some, “actual, verified human names, excerpted from the gem of a book "Remarkable Names of Real People," by John Train:”
* Primrose Goo
* Buncha Love
* Sir Basil Smallpiece
* Firmin A. Gryp
* The Rev. Caanan Banana
* Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin Pond
* Suparporn Poopattana
* Strangeways Pigg Strangeways
* Tetley Ironside Tetley Jones (of England's Tetley Tea Co.)
* Carlos Restrepo Restrepo Restrepo de Restrepo
* Melissy Dalciny Caldony Yankee Pankee Devil-Take-The-Irishman Garrison
* Anne Aass
* Virginia May Sweatt Strong
* Supply Clapp Thwing
* Positive Wassermann Johnson
* Unable To Fornicate (Native American tribal chief)
* Appendicitis, Laryngitis, Meningitis, Peritonitis and Tonsillitis Jackson (the other Jackson 5?)
* Larry Derryberry
* Mark Clark Van Ark
* I.P. Frilli
* I.O. Silver
* I.C. Shivers (An iceman. Really.)
* Humperdink Fangboner
* Baroness Gaby von Bagge of Boo
* Charles Adolphe Faux-Pas Bidet
Or, how about these from the Oregon DMV database:
* C. Clinton Biggerstaff
* Jesus A. Colon
* Seema Nema
* Jotta Fern Uren
* Lenola Urie Thweatt
* Leslie Thwingg II
So, for those of you having a baby - congratulations! Having kids is the coolest thing you will ever do! But please, please, please, be extremely careful about what you name your child. Some of the names kids get saddled with are beyond belief! For example . . .
* I knew a kid – all grown up, married and normal now, in spite of the fact her parents named her “Araya.” Nothing wrong with that, really EXCEPT that her middle name is “Sunshine.” Put the two together and you get?
* I knew another kid whose parent’s named him “Daylight.” I was convinced his middle name had to be “Savings.”
* A friend of mine who is a school teacher said she had a girl in her class one year whose names was “Female.” They pronounced it “Fee-Mall-Eh.” Apparently the word “female” had been written on the hospital information for their baby, so they assumed she had already been named and decided to stick with it.
* Back in the day, when I worked at the Center & Lancaster Branch, we used to spend way too much time filing signature cards for new accounts and pulling signature cards on closed accounts. My all time favorite (awful) name came from that experience: “Ursula Lefoifoi.”
My children’s names are “Elizabeth Jayne,” “Jacob Elias” and “Jeremiah Peter.” Before naming our first child Cruella Nancy and I decided on a couple of simple rules. Having these guidelines helped us to have a thread of consistency with their names.
1. Their first names should be classic names. Ones that have stood the test of time. They worked centuries ago and they work today.
2. Their first names should flexible. If they don’t like the full name, they should be able to shorten it or make a nickname out of it.
3. Their middle names are family related. Elizabeth’s middle name comes from my grandmother. Jake’s middle name comes from maternal grandfather. Jeremy’s middle name comes from some guy who was reportedly his father.
I should probably be more open-minded about this but I’ve always thought Congress should adopt a few practical rules that might prevent a lifetime of embarrassment for children. Such as:
1. You cannot name your kid after a country or state: India(.Arie), Chynna (Phillips), Dakota (Fanning), Flo(Rida), and Chad (McDermott) all need to change their names.
2. No nouns for names: Apple, Brick, Lyric, Soap or Lutefisk. (Okay, that last one I threw in just to see if you were paying attention.)
3. No last names for first names: Blake, Lincoln, Tucker, Paxton, Parker, Morgan, Davis, Madison (which means “Son of Maude,” by the way, so it violates rule #5, as well – unless Bea Arthur was the mother)
4. No names you’ve gotten from characters or actors in current movies or TV shows: Raven, Izzie, Serena, Echo, Turtle, Bella (or Twilight, for heaven’s sake) and certainly not Horatio or Homer!
5. Know what your child’s name means: Caleb is a great sounding name but it means “dog” in Hebrew. I love dogs but is that really what you want to name your kid?
6. If you have more than one child, do not have their names all start with the same letter. This is just a practical suggestion. If I had a dollar for every time I called Jake Jeremy OR Jeremy Jake (or just stuttered “J – J – J – J” until I could figure out who I wanted to yell at), I would be a rich man.
So, there you go. Hopefully all of you soon-to-be parents will find this information to be helpful. I would hate to have to put your child’s name up as an example of what NOT to do!
It points out how important names can be. Recently The Edge in The Oregonian, listed some, “actual, verified human names, excerpted from the gem of a book "Remarkable Names of Real People," by John Train:”
* Primrose Goo
* Buncha Love
* Sir Basil Smallpiece
* Firmin A. Gryp
* The Rev. Caanan Banana
* Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin Pond
* Suparporn Poopattana
* Strangeways Pigg Strangeways
* Tetley Ironside Tetley Jones (of England's Tetley Tea Co.)
* Carlos Restrepo Restrepo Restrepo de Restrepo
* Melissy Dalciny Caldony Yankee Pankee Devil-Take-The-Irishman Garrison
* Anne Aass
* Virginia May Sweatt Strong
* Supply Clapp Thwing
* Positive Wassermann Johnson
* Unable To Fornicate (Native American tribal chief)
* Appendicitis, Laryngitis, Meningitis, Peritonitis and Tonsillitis Jackson (the other Jackson 5?)
* Larry Derryberry
* Mark Clark Van Ark
* I.P. Frilli
* I.O. Silver
* I.C. Shivers (An iceman. Really.)
* Humperdink Fangboner
* Baroness Gaby von Bagge of Boo
* Charles Adolphe Faux-Pas Bidet
Or, how about these from the Oregon DMV database:
* C. Clinton Biggerstaff
* Jesus A. Colon
* Seema Nema
* Jotta Fern Uren
* Lenola Urie Thweatt
* Leslie Thwingg II
So, for those of you having a baby - congratulations! Having kids is the coolest thing you will ever do! But please, please, please, be extremely careful about what you name your child. Some of the names kids get saddled with are beyond belief! For example . . .
* I knew a kid – all grown up, married and normal now, in spite of the fact her parents named her “Araya.” Nothing wrong with that, really EXCEPT that her middle name is “Sunshine.” Put the two together and you get?
* I knew another kid whose parent’s named him “Daylight.” I was convinced his middle name had to be “Savings.”
* A friend of mine who is a school teacher said she had a girl in her class one year whose names was “Female.” They pronounced it “Fee-Mall-Eh.” Apparently the word “female” had been written on the hospital information for their baby, so they assumed she had already been named and decided to stick with it.
* Back in the day, when I worked at the Center & Lancaster Branch, we used to spend way too much time filing signature cards for new accounts and pulling signature cards on closed accounts. My all time favorite (awful) name came from that experience: “Ursula Lefoifoi.”
My children’s names are “Elizabeth Jayne,” “Jacob Elias” and “Jeremiah Peter.” Before naming our first child Cruella Nancy and I decided on a couple of simple rules. Having these guidelines helped us to have a thread of consistency with their names.
1. Their first names should be classic names. Ones that have stood the test of time. They worked centuries ago and they work today.
2. Their first names should flexible. If they don’t like the full name, they should be able to shorten it or make a nickname out of it.
3. Their middle names are family related. Elizabeth’s middle name comes from my grandmother. Jake’s middle name comes from maternal grandfather. Jeremy’s middle name comes from some guy who was reportedly his father.
I should probably be more open-minded about this but I’ve always thought Congress should adopt a few practical rules that might prevent a lifetime of embarrassment for children. Such as:
1. You cannot name your kid after a country or state: India(.Arie), Chynna (Phillips), Dakota (Fanning), Flo(Rida), and Chad (McDermott) all need to change their names.
2. No nouns for names: Apple, Brick, Lyric, Soap or Lutefisk. (Okay, that last one I threw in just to see if you were paying attention.)
3. No last names for first names: Blake, Lincoln, Tucker, Paxton, Parker, Morgan, Davis, Madison (which means “Son of Maude,” by the way, so it violates rule #5, as well – unless Bea Arthur was the mother)
4. No names you’ve gotten from characters or actors in current movies or TV shows: Raven, Izzie, Serena, Echo, Turtle, Bella (or Twilight, for heaven’s sake) and certainly not Horatio or Homer!
5. Know what your child’s name means: Caleb is a great sounding name but it means “dog” in Hebrew. I love dogs but is that really what you want to name your kid?
6. If you have more than one child, do not have their names all start with the same letter. This is just a practical suggestion. If I had a dollar for every time I called Jake Jeremy OR Jeremy Jake (or just stuttered “J – J – J – J” until I could figure out who I wanted to yell at), I would be a rich man.
So, there you go. Hopefully all of you soon-to-be parents will find this information to be helpful. I would hate to have to put your child’s name up as an example of what NOT to do!
Stock Market Update: Thursday, November 12, 2009
Big news from the Federal Reserve today! Effective July 1, 2010, banks “will have to secure their customers' consent before charging large overdraft fees on ATM and debit card transactions”
“Under the Fed's new rule . . . banks will be required to notify new and existing customers of their overdraft services and give customers the option of being covered. If customers don't "opt in," any debit or ATM transactions that overdraw their accounts will be denied, Fed officials said.”
This is very similar to U.S. Bank’s previously announced changes in their overdraft policies, so making the adjustment by the middle of next year should not be a problem.
In other fun news . . .
I love it when bad guys get busted! Yesterday a group of folks in Russia, Estonia and Moldova (Motto: A country so nice, we’re named after the scum in our bathtubs!) were indicted for stealing more than $9 million in November, 2008.
The cool part is how they did it! According to the indictment, they hacked into the payroll debit card information of Royal Bank of Scotland’s U.S. payment processing division in Atlanta, GA, and “cloned (44) prepaid ATM cards, which thieves then used to withdraw cash from 2,100 ATMs from 280 cities around the world, including in the U.S. The synchronized operation, which began November 8, 2008, took no more than 12 hours.”
The individuals making the cash withdrawals from ATMs were “allowed to keep up to half the cash they stole and sent the rest back to the ringleaders.” According to an FBI spokesperson, "'the losses could have been much greater had the hacker ring been able to assemble a larger network of accomplices. The size of the human network was a limiting factor, [because] some of the ATMs ran out of money.'"
STock Price
“Under the Fed's new rule . . . banks will be required to notify new and existing customers of their overdraft services and give customers the option of being covered. If customers don't "opt in," any debit or ATM transactions that overdraw their accounts will be denied, Fed officials said.”
This is very similar to U.S. Bank’s previously announced changes in their overdraft policies, so making the adjustment by the middle of next year should not be a problem.
In other fun news . . .
I love it when bad guys get busted! Yesterday a group of folks in Russia, Estonia and Moldova (Motto: A country so nice, we’re named after the scum in our bathtubs!) were indicted for stealing more than $9 million in November, 2008.
The cool part is how they did it! According to the indictment, they hacked into the payroll debit card information of Royal Bank of Scotland’s U.S. payment processing division in Atlanta, GA, and “cloned (44) prepaid ATM cards, which thieves then used to withdraw cash from 2,100 ATMs from 280 cities around the world, including in the U.S. The synchronized operation, which began November 8, 2008, took no more than 12 hours.”
The individuals making the cash withdrawals from ATMs were “allowed to keep up to half the cash they stole and sent the rest back to the ringleaders.” According to an FBI spokesperson, "'the losses could have been much greater had the hacker ring been able to assemble a larger network of accomplices. The size of the human network was a limiting factor, [because] some of the ATMs ran out of money.'"
STock Price
