So, it's 09/09/09 and tonight at 9:09:09 the world will end. I've really enjoyed getting to know all of you - well, most of you anyway - and will miss all the memories and the closeness of our relationships. (Or the lack of closeness, as the case maybe be.)
The market was up today, which is good news since I sold all my stock. I converted it all to gold bullion and buried the cache in the Alton Baker dog park, marked by a spot where my dog, Rudy, likes to relieve herself. I am leaving it there to be discovered by future generations. Should you (or your future mutant spawn) be fortunate enough to survive whatever cataclysmic disaster awaits us tonight, just head to the dog park and sniff around. As long as you can differentiate between Rudy's scent and those of the zillion other dogs who frequent that particular spot, you should be able to find it pretty easily.
And let me just add that I do not blame the end of the world on any astrological phenomena, numerology, Glen Beck or the fact that President Obama is giving a speech tonight trying to lure us into a totally socialistic society. (The first three are just stupid and the last one is just fine by a closet communist like me anyway.) I blame it on the release of The Beatles: Rock Band. If that isn't a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is!