Monday, August 17, 2009

Stock Market Update: Monday, August 17, 2009

The stock market took its sharpest dive in over six weeks today. Not one of the banks stocks I track took a step in a positive direction. While Wall Street may try and tell you the dive is related to fears about whether or not consumers are willing to spend money fast enough to help the economy (wasn’t that part of what got us into this mess?) the real reasons are a bit trickier to identify, but let me give it a shot: Its all about the DWTS Factor!

That’s right, today is the day they announced the contestants for the new season of Dancing With The (Non-Star) Stars. Although I have never watched an episode of this show (apparently my estrogen levels are below the minimum standard required for viewing), apparently it is a big hit with women older than my mother. So, who’s on the show? Let me give you a hint: No one you have ever heard of!

Aaron Carter – Spoiled brat. Snot nosed punk.
Natalie Coughlin – Swimmer but nowhere in the league of future ex-wife Dara Torres.
Mark Dacascos – Secret ingredient selector on Iron Chef America.
Tom Delay – Sleazy Former congressman.
Macy Gray – Singer with the weirdest voice ever. Sister of Dorian
Ashley Hamilton – Apparently a guy. Who knew? Son of some guy with a great tan.
Melissa Joan Hart – Talks to black cat puppets.
Kathy Ireland – Not Irish. Probably never had a Guinness.
Michael Irvin – One more reason to hate the Dallas Cowboys. (As if I needed one.)
Joanna Krupa – Uh, jazz great Gene Krupa’s kid, maybe?
Chuck Liddell – Former UFC champion? Are you kidding? I have lost all respect for this guy.
Debi Mazar – Part of somebody’s entourage?
Mya – You-a tell-a me-a.
Kelly Osbourne – If she is willing to bite the head off a bat, I might watch.
Donny Osmond – Reportedly loves puppies. Sister prone to fainting.
Louie Vito – Distant cousin to Michael Corleone.

How does this affect stock prices? (Thanks for asking!) In two ways:

1. Investors who are unfamiliar with the show are so depressed about its popularity (let alone its existence) they have unloaded their portfolios and made plans to move to a desert island.
2. Investors who are fans of the show didn’t do a lick of work as they spent the entire day setting their brackets for the upcoming season.

Stock Price
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