Today's stock market update is brought to you by the lazy doofus who spends too much time sending time wasting emails instead of actually working. The only interesting thing happening on Wall Street today is that they held their first ever, official casual day, sponsored by The Gap. That's right, for the first time ever, New York Stock Exchange traders got to wear jeans to work! And I know you're all asking, "Why can't we do that around here?" And of course the answer is, "Whaddya mean? Every Friday is jeans day in our region - it's just something we don't tell our boss!" (Now that I've outed all of you, let me just mention that you can thank me later . . .)
And because I have actual work I should probably get done, I took the easy way out today. Here are some great headlines from the interwebs . . .
Stop, Or My Mom Will Shoot
Michele Obama And The Shorts Heart Round The World
What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar? Would You Burglarize A House?
Today Is The 50th Anniversary Of Hawaiian Statehood. Hawaii Is Of Course Famous For The Hula, Luaus, Volcanoes, And Temporarily Being Kenya One Day In 1961
The 'M' In 'ATM' Stands For "Machine", But It Could Also Stand For 'Money'
A Hive Of Bees Appear Outside Your Home. Do You: A) Call An Expert To Remove Them? B) Wait Inside Until They Leave? C) Grab A Shop-Vac And Try To Suck Them All Up
Skydiver's Chute Fails To Open, Instructor's Extraordinary Efforts Save Them Both. Woman Sues Instructor Because She Broke Two Fingers
San Francisco Creates Life-Size Candy Land Board In The Streets To Celebrate Game's 60th Anniversary. Commuters Irate, Currently Stuck In Stupid Peppermint Forest As Their Kids Pass Them By
New Study Finds Love Is Worth £163,424, Which Is Roughly The Same Amount You'll Have To Pay Her After The Divorce
US Is Up To Number 50 In The World In Life Expectancy.