Phrases I Don't Ever Need To Hear Again!

So, sometimes it’s the little things in life that drive you nuts, right? Toothpaste not squeezed from the bottom. Dirty dishes in the break room sink! Toilet paper “under” rather than “over.” Lights left on. Dick Cheney.

As some of you have noticed, I try to be kinda precise about my language. And by that I don’t mean that I use profanity to get right to the point (although that may be true as well) BUT that when people use a wrong word, or the punctuation isn’t quite right, I’m liable to point it out. And heaven help you if you ask me to proofread something you’ve written because it will never look the same again!

Which brings me to some phrases I hear in my job that, over time, have kinda gotten annoying. So, here are some things people say that, I don’t ever need to hear again:

You look like you need something to do!
* Just because there isn’t a person already at my window / desk you automatically assume I’m slacking off?

Are you busy?
* I can’t win with this question. If I answer “No” they’ll think I’m even more of a slacker than they already do. If I answer “Yes” (which is generally the truth since I don’t normally just sit here waiting for the phone to ring) then they’ll feel guilty that they called.

Sorry to bug you!
* No, you’re not but that’s okay, I don’t mind. It’s kinda why I like being here. I get jacked up when people ask me for help!

Quick question!
* Yeah, right. The question is rarely quick and the answer will usually take a bunch of time to research before I can begin to make something up!

Do other people handle this the same way?
* This is a trick question. They already know that some people handle it differently and that’s why they’re asking. They just want me to make the other person do it their way! So, I usually just suggest that they call the other person directly and talk to 'em about it.

Can I speak to the manager?
* Based on my own experience as a manager at three different branches, this usually means they are under the mistaken impression that the manager has mystical powers that can fix most any problem, when, in fact, it’s usually the assistant manager that stands the best chance of knowing how to fix the problem. So, when someone would ask for “the manager” at my branch, they usually were directed to the assistant manager to increase the odds the problem would actually get fixed. Your mileage may vary . . .

We always used to . . .
* In other words, “back in the day before the procedure changed we used to . . .” That’s fine, except, well, the procedure changed, so we no longer get to do it that way!

It was my understanding . . .
* Changing this to “It was my “misunderstanding” would probably fix this one.

We were told . . .
* Unless they can name a specific person, I assume they “were told” by an imaginary friend because what they were told is usually wrong. This may also be an indication that the imaginary friend may be me, and that I made up an answer that has not proven to be wrong!

I’m not prejudiced.
* If you have to say it then yes you are.

Les Sarnoff

Oh man, this is really sad.

THE voice of KINK radio, Les Sarnoff, has died after a relatively short battle with cancer.

Of all the things I have missed about living in the Salem / Portland area, not being able to listen to KINK - and especially Les - would be near the top of the list.

For the few years I thought about pursuing a career in radio, Les was my role model. Obviously I was not cut out for it but he was a natural.

He was also the emcee for the Mt. Hood Festival of Jazz for years. I attended a lot of them and always looked forward to hearing Les tell all his behind the scenes stories the Monday following the festival.

I'll also never forget how he used to send a tone over the air right before the 10:00 PM album preview so that those of us who planned to record the album could set our tape decks accordingly. (Don't tell the RIAA!)

If you want to read more about him, his career, his wife and even about their church, Peter Ames Carlin of The Oregonian wrote a great profile of Les earlier this month that is definitely worth a read.

He was a great radio personality and just an all around great guy.

Face It

So, if you're like me (and I know you're glad you're not) you probably are a Facebook user. AND if you're as old as me, you probably have made your children's lives uncomfortable just by being on Facebook AND even more uncomfortable if you requested to be their "friend." In my case, that was the reason I joined FB. It was a way my sons (Jake and Jeremy) kept in touch with each other, so I decided I'd do it as well. Since then I've come across all sorts of friends and family and just a week or two ago I added my 100th "friend!" (Who knew I could have even ten friends, right? Well, I'm over 100 so try to control your jealousy!)

For me, what's cool about FB is how much you can learn from the little blurbs (status updates) people post about themselves - or that others post about them. It's weird but when I finally see some of my FB friends live and in person. I feel like I have half a clue about the major things going on in their lives. On the other hand, there is a major problem with oversharing! Yeesh.

So, without naming (too many) names here are a few interesting tidbits I've learned about friends and family through Facebook:

* People under the age of 30 talk about drinking. A lot.
* I learned my niece was getting married the day she became engaged - as opposed to several months after the wedding, as has sometimes been the case.
* I learned a former co-worker who moved back east is also getting married - as opposed to never hearing from her again.
* One of my current co-workers always seems to post about one of two things: Nature or how dang busy her life is.
* A former co-worker took a month-long "sabbatical" from his current employer to go to spring training in Arizona and watch the Mariners play all month long!
* People I worked with when I first became a teller at U.S. Bank way back in the late 50s, er, 70s, have gone on to bigger and better things, had kids and even grandkids!
* Old friends from high school ended up with different lives than I would have ever expected. (And how one of the biggest geeks I have ever known seems to attract such, uh, attractive younger women is beyond me!)
* An old friend from Bend is now a State Representative in the Washington Legislature!
* My brother is weird.
* My new "biological" family is equally weird.
* My sons both have the weirdest sense of humor. I have NO IDEA where it comes from but holy cow are they funny!
* One of my best friends went back to visit his daughter in New York and, as a result of finding out about that on FB, we're now planning to go back at the same time this summer to visit both of our kids.
* One of my sons has become addicted to Soapnet. (One Tree Hill and the OLD 90210, especially)
* Both sons are addicted to The Hills
* I'm not nearly as good at naming 80's Rock and Roll songs as Lori Crawford is. Holy crap is she good!
* My all time favorite cartoon show is Jonny Quest. My all time favorite TV show is The West Wing. My all time favorite book is Lonesome Dove. But I already knew that.
* If I were to go back to college, based on the FB quiz I took, I should major in Humanities. Of course, as a confirmed hermit, I don't really like Humans all that much, so I don't think that's gonna work.
* The one son who gets picked on for being gay (even though he is NOT GAY - not that there's anything wrong with that) posts comments that are consistent with his heterosexual orientation.
* The other son, who is decidedly not gay, (not that there's anything wrong with that) goes out of his way to post comments about his current man-crushes and/or professing his love and affection to all his male friends.
* A childhood friend posts the most mysterious comments. Almost like he's living in a Dashiell Hammet detective novel - even though he still lives in the same house he grew up in, right next door to my parents.
* Some people look classier and more professional outside of work than they do at work.

There you have it. More than you ever wanted to know, but you read it anyway, didn't you? What is wrong with you anyway?

And if you hang out on FB but aren't my friend, well, then, you're dead to me . . .

Just Try Not To Cry!

This is just one of the coolest stories to come along in a long time. You really have to watch this video. I read about this woman in the Seattle Times today and could not figure out why it was such a big deal - but then I watched the video.


In the dictionary under the definition for "you can't judge a book by it's cover" and "it's what's on the inside that counts" will be this name: Susan Boyle.

And just in case you wanna find out more about her (and her story is almost as good as her performance) here's a link to the Seattle Times article.

Summer Tanning Season Has Arrived!

OCD or NOCD: You Decide!

So, sometimes I wonder if I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). It does seem like something that might be a nice fit with my ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). On the other hand, maybe I'm just like everyone else!

So, I'm looking for a little help. Some constructive feedback. A bit of free counseling maybe. Below is a list of some of the things I do that may be a bit obsessively compulsive. Do any of you find yourself doing these same - or similar - kinds of things? Inquiring minds want to know! With that, here are . . .

A Few Warning Signs That I Might Have OCD!

1. All of the cans in my pantry and all of the jars and bottles in my refrigerator have to be in a straight line with the labels facing forward.
2. When I text message, I have a hard time using short cuts (LOL, L8R, BTW, BRB, BYOB, LSMFT, NAACP, CSNY, NCIS) or those silly emoticon things (;)). (Which apparently you cannot put inside of parentheses, by the way. I have to spell it all out!
3. Likewise, I cannot text, Twitter or Facebook without checking my spelling and punctuation. I even go back and correct capitalization errors. For no apparent reason.
4. All of my books - and I have a few - are, for the most part, grouped by genre (mysteries, historical fiction, travel books, spirituality, graphic novels, Richard Scary) and then by height.
5. All of the destinations on my GPS are properly capitalized and in alphabetical order.
6. Same with all the contacts in my iPhone.
7. Same with all the 5,000+ song files in iTunes (and I find it very frustrating that they tend to get kinda messed up all too regularly).
8. When I plug in my iPod at work, it has to sit squarely at the front left corner on the top of the bookshelf in my office.
9. Speaking of my GPS, after I program in a destination, if I need to pull off the freeway to get gas or go to the bathroom, I just about get in a wreck trying to program in those kind of interim stops.
10. And I even use my GPS to get home from Costco so I don't miss the Delta Highway exit (which I have done more than a few times!)
11. All of the presets on my radio are in numerical order.
12. When I adjust the volume on my car radio, it has to be on an even number. The stereo in my office does not, however.
13. Even though I only have like, ten bottles of wine, they are arranged on my puny wine rack by varietal (Shiraz, Pinot Noir, Chardonnay, New Zealand Sauvignon, etc.)
14. I have a collection of unique beer bottles displayed across the top of my cupboards. (I'm a guy and single. I can collect whatever the heck I want. At least it's not those stupid Precious Moments figurines!) They're grouped by brewery (Rogue, Deschutes, UK breweries, Belgians, etc.) and then in some kind of subset that I cannot figure out how to explain but makes sense to me.
15. I have a collection of some 700 record albums (the 33 rpm LP variety) that are carefully arranged in alphabetical order from Abba (just kidding - who in their right mind would own an Abba album, right?) to Warren Zevon.
16. I arrange my underwear drawer based on the day of the week, with the color or type that I think best corresponds to that particular day. For example, the pair I choose for Monday is usually blue since we usually think of Mondays being kinda "blue" since we have to go back to work. Tuesday might be turquoise cuz they both start with the same letter. Using the same rationale, Wednesday is white. Thursday is Underoos, since they both have the letter "U" in them. On Fridays I usually wear a "fresh" pair. (Kind of an alliteration thing.) Saturday is optional day - any pair that strikes my fancy. Sundays, well, let's just say, my underwear and I both consider it to be a day of rest.

So, there it is. My list of possible OCD warning signs. Or just signs that I'm a freak. You decide. It could also be called "Fifteen Truths and a Lie" by the way. However, I do take some comfort in the fact that at least I'm not "AR" like my boss is!