Monday, February 2, 2009

Twenty Five Things About Me

As a condition of my parole, I am not allowed to respond chain letter requests or every freakin' weird Facebook "tag" that comes my way. But after getting hit several times with the "25 Weird Things About Me" request, I decided to bite the bullet, get it over with and avoid whatever curse might come my way from not responding. So, at the risk of violating any TROs that might still be in force, I humbly submit:

25 Things About Me

25. I used to be able to say that I had never voted for a Republican for President. That was until 2004. I have no excuse except that I was under a terrible amount of stress that year. And John Kerry is a tool.

24. I love beer. I never get drunk but, man, do I love beer. But it has to be good beer, not wussy, watered down stuff that you can see through. I especially like Mac & Jack's, Black Butte Porter, Rogue Juniper Ale, The Abyss, Delirium Tremens, Leffe Brown, Rasputin Stout, to name a few.

23. I'm 54 years old and still read comic books.

22. I didn't need a GPS but now that I have one, I couldn't live without it.

21. I believe the iPhone is the greatest invention in the history of mankind.

20. Jesus loves you but I'm his favorite.

19. Tell all your friends, I'm Batman.

18. I once lived in the Oregon governor's mansion. Only for a couple of weeks and then they threw me out.

17. I have four brothers and three sisters. Two of my sisters are named Connie.

16. I hate Brussel Sprouts. I believe they were invented by Satan. I'm not very fond of Dimetapp either. This would make me very unpopular with my friend, Nancy Burton, except that we both like beer. Thankfully, I won't have to kill her now.

15. Someone I am in a relationship with thinks I may have an unnatural obsession with Barack Obama. So do my children.

14. Is there any sporting event cooler than the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament? I submit there is not. Except possibly the OSAA 5A/6A Boy's Basketball Tournament.

13. Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry is the greatest book ever written. Do not even try arguing with me about this.

12. I believe that outside of the employees of Worldwide Pants, no one has seen more episodes of The Late Show with David Letterman than me.

11. I love dogs - especially Rudy and Hank - but NOT those little, wussy, battery operated, pretend dogs that Paris Hilton and the Crawford's carry around.

10. This item deleted upon the advice of someone I am in a relationship with.

9. I would like to have the following songs played at my funeral: Why Does the Devil Get All The Good Music by Larry Norman, If I Had Possession of Judgment Day by Eric Clapton, Miss Otis Regrets by Ella Fitzgerald, All Blues by Miles Davis, Money for Nothing by Dire Straits, Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum and several others I cannot remember right now because I am painfully near death and my memory is fading.

8. My Momma can't dance and my Daddy can't rock and roll. And we're all better off for it.

7. If I could bring back ONE TV show that is no longer on the air it would definitely be St. Elsewhere. Or maybe Lou Grant. Or, oh wait, definitely this one - The West Wing. Or maybe Sports Night.

6. The best movie ever made is Schindler's List but my all time favorite movie is Casablanca.

5. I have Type 2 Diabetes. After several years of research I have learned that, when it comes to diet, I should only eat things I cannot stand (see #16 above). Any food or drink that I enjoy will, apparently, kill me immediately.

4. I have ADHD. I don't really notice now it affects my daily life, except when I forget to take my meds and then I notice that, uh, well, I can't remember but, anyway, I really think Lonesome Dove is the best book ever written.

3. As i write this, I have the hiccups but maybe it's because I'm a voodoo high priest. (Or at least that's what someone I am in a relationship with thinks anyway.)

2. I like road trips - especially cross country ones. Even when there's so much stuff crammed into the CRV that the passenger seat is pushed all the way forward for your drive from Bend to D.C. OR when your best friend no longer will go anywhere with you cuz the 16 hour drive from Bend to Vegas coupled with the 16 hours doing everything we could think of to do in Vegas and the 16 hour drive back, turned out to not be quite the adventure he thought it would be.

And the Number One Thing About Me . . .
I believe the most concise explanation of the Gospel I have ever heard is: We're all bastards but God loves us anyway!

And for those of you tagged me, I hope you're not sorry . . .
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