Monday, November 24, 2008

The Perfect Thanksgiving

So, turkey day is right around the corner and if you're like me (and I know you're glad you're not) you probably have a slug of Thanksgiving Day traditions. Here's a few things I always look forward to . . .

Watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I don't care about the floats or the bands or even the honkin' muthah balloons. It's all about the Broadway show tunes, baby! (Insert your own inappropriate remark regarding my sexuality here.)

NOT watching football. I hate the Thanksgiving Day football games because it's always games in Detroit and Dallas. I hate both those teams and refuse to watch them play on TV. (Although if my future ex-wife-for-one-day-only-cuz-I-think-marrying-someone-whose-IQ-is-below-room-temperature-is-insane, Jessica Simpson is there to watch her man Romo play, I might reconsider.)

Listening to the Alice's Restaurant Masacree. One of the great songs of all time and the story it tells just happens to take place on Thanksgiving. ("We had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat.") It ain't Thanksgiving without Arlo Guthrie.

Eating around 2:00 PM. That is the perfect time to sit down for an all you can eat extravaganza of food. All other times are wrong.

NOT eating any kind of green been concoction. This needs no explanation.

Putting an olive on each finger. This also needs no explanation.

Carving a river from the lake of gravy in my mashed potatoes. This needs an explanation, but I'm not going to provide one.

Going to a movie.
Usually a Christmas themed movie or at least a kids movie. Never an action flick or a drama. And always a late "matinee" showing so you don't have to pay full price.

Falling asleep in the movie. I just ate a buttload of food and the tryptophan (or whatever that stuff in turkey is called) makes you comatose within an hour of ingesting, so whaddya expect? I still have no idea how How The Grinch Ate Christmas or Toy Story 2 turn out!

Returning home and immediately eating pumpkin pie.
Pumpkin pie is the only official pie of Thanksgiving. All other pies should be banned from Thanksgiving. AND it is important that the amount of whip cream be larger than the slice of pie.

Watching something on TV you normally wouldn't even consider watching.
An Osmond's Christmas special, for example. Titanic. Or an old episode of Gilligan's Island or Saved by the Bell.

Sleep!
The perfect end to a perfect day.

And there you have it. I hope your Thanksgiving Day is memorable. And fun. And that you get enough to eat . . .
Post a Comment