Top Ten Memories of My Trip To Israel

10. The satisfaction in knowing we got to Jerusalem just in time for the big 50% off sale. "Big sale! Big sale!"

9. The almost impossible choice we faced each day: Falafel or Shwarma?

8.. The confusion in knowing Israelis have developed a fence that can sense where and when a bird lands on it but do not possess the technology to make a decent napkin.

7. Not that I wanna harp on this but the napkins are the size of a post it note and the wash cloths are the size of a football field.

6. The enormous and, dare I say, out of control, feral cat population.

5. Drinking a beer while on a church trip and almost getting away with having it charged to the pastor's room.

4. Dancing the Hava Nagila without creating an international incident by putting out our tour guide's eye.

3. Carrying around 300 pounds of change but never having enough to actually pay for anything.

2. Visiting Qumran and then wondering about the sexual preference of the Essenes - a sect of deeply religious men who wrote the Dead Sea Scrolls and spent a lot of time in ritual baths. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

And my Number One memory of my trip to Israel . . .

Never once getting lost while wandering around the Old City. Okay, that's a lie. ALWAYS getting lost while wandering around the Old City - but going back every day for more.