Friday, December 11, 2009

As I Get Older

As I get older, some things that used to be important kinda aren’t so important any longer. Of course, there are other things that now are MORE important than they used to be. The other day I ran across a list someone put together (I wish I could remember who, so I could give them credit) that, in many ways, encompassed this idea. So, here they are – with a few comments of my own:

1. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
* And I’m making up for them now with my pre and post lunch naps

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
* Except for the moment you realized you weren’t wrong after all but still backed down.

3. Was learning cursive really necessary?
* No, but learning to write on a straight edge was vital to my own survival.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
* Until then, I will continue to use Tahoma.

5. Google Maps really needs to start their directions at around step #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
* Although for some reason I cannot get back home from Costco without my GPS

6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
* “Natural causes” – I mean, come on!

7. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
* Too tired to respond. See #1 above

8. Bad decisions make good stories.
* As evidenced by most everything you ever get from me.

9. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my video collection. Again.
* True story: U.S. Bank - early adopters of the Sony Betamax format

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
* For me this is usually about Noon which conveniently coincides with my arrival at work.

11. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page document that I swear I did not make any changes to.
* Not nearly as bad as having your workstation crash in the middle of typing an email though. Not that that would happen with the fine equipment provided by my employer!

12. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
* Or “Wash with like colors.” Is orange like red? Or by “like” do they mean that they’re friendly with each other?

13. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
* Okay so this is only half true for me. At work I try to answer every call by the third ring. With my cell phone, I usually don’t answer at all if I can’t determine from Caller ID who the call is from. Or how to answer my phone, which is a recurring issue for me.

14. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
* Uh, totally not true for me. While it might be true to say: “I hate leaving my house” the whole notion of my being “confident and looking good” is not likely. Especially the “looking good” part. In fact, every day I panic over the whole rule about wearing black with brown or blue with black or white after Labor Day or whatever the heck it is.

15. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
* I would never do this! Unless it was a call from, oh say, my Dad on a day when I know he just wants to rant about something and, uh, maybe a few others who shall remain nameless.

16. My 6-year old grandson asked me in the car the other day "Grandpa what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
* Okay, so I don’t have any grandkids but Rudy does ask some occasionally odd questions.

17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
* Kinda funny but no. I do think that every room should have a night light, however.

18. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* I submit this is not possible. Just wad it up, throw it in the drawer and forget about it.

19. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
* And dude, you know who you are!

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Coors Lite than Kay.
* Jewelry, crappy beer and kisses. Three things I have virtually no experience with. I’ll just have to trust that this statement is true.

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