This Just In . . .
Washington (AP) - Pentagon officials believe they have been unable to locate Bin Laden because he has found a place to hide out where:

(1) it is easy to get in if you have the money;
(2) no one will recognize or remember you;
(3) no one will realize that you have disappeared;
(4) no one keeps any records of your comings and goings; and
(5) you have no obligations or responsibilities.

Pentagon analysts are still puzzled, however, as to how Bin Laden first learned about the Texas Air National Guard.