Top Ten Signs You've Joined The Wrong Church

10. The church bus has gun racks in the rear window
9. Sunday's sermon is titled, "If God Had Wanted Me To Be Poor, He Wouldn't Have Made You So Gullible."
8. They translation of the Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version."
7. There's an ATM in the lobby.
6. The fall sermon series is, "God, Your Pastor and Other Benign Dictators."
5. You regularly hear the pastor say, "I don't think this is in the Bible, but . . ."
4. There's no cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum.
3. Next Sunday's sermon is titled, "If Rush Limbaugh Were An Apostle."
2. The Women's Quartet are all married to the pastor.
AND, the number one sign you've joined the wrong church . . .
The ushers ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?"